Ep.2: Superman, Rhymes and a Gladiator Duck

In this episode of No Good Options, Darren, Sam and guest Kara discuss what they would do if they suddenly gained Superman's powers but knew anyone in the world could take them away at any moment. They also debate whether a world filled only with nursery rhymes would be better than a world with no music at all, before facing off against one of the internet's most enduring questions: would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses?

Along the way, a baby joins the team, the conversation drifts into pizza delivery, superheroes, nursery rhyme economics, giant eggs, pet ducks, and several deeply questionable survival strategies.

Look out for new episodes every 2 weeks and if you enjoy this episode, we'd really appreciate a good rating on your podcast platform of choice and a share with anyone who enjoys questionable debates and impossible decisions. If you have a scenario you'd like us to discuss in a future episode, or just want to get in touch, you can reach us at nogoodoptionspodcast@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The views, opinions, arguments, and questionable decisions discussed in this episode are part of a light-hearted comedy conversation based on hypothetical scenarios. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as professional advice, factual guidance, or a serious life plan. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

Darren 0:29

Hello and welcome to No Good Options, the podcast where we ask the what if, if you could, and the would you rather questions that are just begging to be asked. I'm your host, Darren, and with me today is my co-host Sam and our special guest, Kara. So let's kick things off with you.

Sam 0:43

Sam, what have you got for us? Alright. Today I've got one. You get Superman powers. You don't get super speed that turns back time because otherwise this whole question gets way too easy. Every day someone gets a button. If they press the button, you lose your Superman powers. Every day a new person gets the button, so more and more people are getting the button that removes your Superman powers.

Darren 1:03

Do they pick who the button deactivates?

Sam 1:05

I mean, they know it removes the person who has Superman's powers. Like they just get told, like, hey, someone's got Superman powers. If you hit this button, they lose those powers. What do you do to try and keep your powers for the longest?

Darren 1:16

Where's the button to begin with? Is it in the UK?

Sam 1:18

Well, no, like new buttons get made. So like by day 100, there's a hundred buttons.

Darren 1:22

Oh, so you're not like passing it on to the next person.

Sam 1:24

No, no, this is like more and more people. Like you've got to please more and more people each time.

Kara 1:29

Do you know where the buttons are? No. Okay.

Sam 1:33

So like you can like try and look for them if you want, but I feel like if I had a button that could turn off Superman's powers and I found out he was looking for me, I'm hitting that real quick. Like I am not taking chances.

Darren 1:45

So the way around this is if you are Superman, just eliminate everybody in the world so there's no one to press the button.

Sam 1:50

Yeah, yeah, no, that like would 100% work, but is it worth having Superman powers if there's no one in the world?

Kara 1:55

Yeah, and if people got wind that you were doing that, someone would definitely press that button.

Sam 2:00

That's a good point. How quickly can you wipe out the planet with Superman powers?

Darren 2:02

Yeah, day one. Just fly up in the sky, blow the earth up, go live on somewhere else. I feel like you're not following which one Superman's powers are here, you know?

Sam 2:11

Like He's got heat vision. Yeah, yeah, he's got like laser vision, but like the laser vision is not like blow up the planet powerful. It's like destroy a city powerful.

Darren 2:23

Yeah, well they just keep doing that.

Sam 2:24

Yeah, so yeah, but that's like Kara's point, right? You just like how like it takes you a couple of minutes to destroy a city with your laser vision. There's quite a lot of cities. If the guy with the button's the last city, he's hitting that button before you get to him. Make sure the guy with the button's the first city.

Kara 2:37

But you don't know where the button is.

Sam 2:38

Use my spider sense. I ask Wolverine, like it's I get in a Jaeger, I write in my death note, let's just throw in. How many people can we annoy? You're like, how many fandoms can we uh can we get behind this? Let's just don't turn on Batman although we're having moments. You know, you suck to a blood, you try not to get in direct sunlight.

Darren 3:00

I mean, so how long would that whole process last then? What do you mean? If it's cumulative, yeah, then that means every day it's not linear, it's gonna be exponential. The amount of buttons that exist. No, no, that's a linear increase in buttons that exist.

Kara 3:13

One per day.

Darren 3:13

Yeah, it's like a literal definition. Oh no, I thought it was like one button on one day, and then you have two and then four and then two, and then yeah.

Sam 3:20

No, no, no. It's like literally like day one, Mike has got a button. Uh then day two, Mike still has his button, but Phil also gets a button.

Darren 3:28

Is Mike crying?

Sam 3:30

Oh yeah, no, Mike's real upset.

Darren 3:32

It's I thought Clark Kent was also Spider-Man and Superman. Just depends which phone booth he went in.

Sam 3:36

Weird powers, you know, like planes crashing, like, oh sorry, I got in the Spider-Man suit today. There's not a ton I can do actually. He stopped a train. Yeah, we can't stop a plane. That's what I'm saying.

Kara 3:47

No ambition.

Sam 3:48

No ambition. That's the big problem here. This is because he's a teenager.

Kara 3:52

This is how you know the different people.

Sam 3:54

Yeah, yeah. This is hating on Peter Parker. Like, he's poor because he doesn't have enough ambition. That's what this podcast is saying. Yeah, yeah. Clark Kent had the job. Yeah, I was gonna say, I feel like Clark Kent also wasn't that rich.

Kara 4:05

Just be Batman. What was Clark Kent? Batman's the answer.

Sam 4:07

What was Clark Kent's job?

Kara 4:08

He was a journalist.

Sam 4:09

At the Daily Planet.

Darren 4:10

Yeah, or Peter Parker was also a photographer.

Sam 4:13

He was a photographer for the Daily Mail. No, Daily Bugle. Going again, a lot of fans meant about that.

Darren 4:19

What if it is the same person? I mean, we're really off topic now.

Sam 4:22

And we're back having a screaming baby. Occupational hazard. Having kids. He hates Spider-Man. Actually, no. He hates it when you mix up Marvel and DC. Is that what his issue is? That is the main issue, I think. Like. I just figured that's like, you know, that's one of the checks, like diaper change, feeding, burping. Did you mix up Cinematic Universe? It's the big four.

Darren 4:48

See, I'm a DC fan as well, so the fact that I couldn't even remember who Superman was is a really fake fan.

Kara 4:53

But I feel like you're a DC fan because you like Batman.

Sam 4:56

I mean, I feel like I've asked the question enough times, right? What are you doing to try and keep people from hitting that button?

Darren 5:01

Um, I don't know. I don't you can't really do anything. I mean, you're gonna tell me you can.

Sam 5:07

I mean, like, so because this is part of the thing, like, no one's hitting the button if you save a bunch of people from a tsunami, right?

Kara 5:13

Like, but it does that not depend? Like, if you suddenly saved a bunch of people from a tsunami, but there was people at war with those people, then the people at war with them would be pretty annoyed that you saved loads of their soldiers, right?

Sam 5:25

And you stop that tsunami that they created. So they would. So you but you're playing the odds game, right? Because it's a random person in the world who gets the button. Way more people in the world would prefer you, like, you know, they get a vote, they would vote for you to save them. So you just kind of gotta hope that it's not someone with a button on the enemy side of the room.

Darren 5:41

I mean, to be honest, I could name one prominent person who's in a power position today who um I mean, I'm not gonna name him, but I could name him, who would definitely press the button despite how many people you were saving just because you'd be more of a hero than he is.

Sam 5:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like 100%. Like this is this is just a running risk. Like, you're not gonna keep these powers, right? Like, someone's hitting the button at some point. But, like, you know, I figure if you're saving people, the average person is less likely to hit the button if they know that you're out there saving lives.

Darren 6:10

The problem is, I what if you're mid-flight and someone presses a button and you'll plummet into the earth?

Sam 6:15

I figure you can wear a parachute.

Darren 6:16

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But what if you're not in our space? Oh, in our atmosphere.

Sam 6:21

Don't fly out of atmosphere. I mean, this is the risk you take, right? Maybe don't fly out of atmosphere.

Darren 6:25

What if there's a meteorite coming?

Sam 6:26

Well, then you've got to choose whether your life is worth more than the lives of anyone else.

Darren 6:30

I mean, of course it is.

Sam 6:32

I mean, the second question is like, if you fail to stop the meteorite hitting the earth, is someone else gonna hit that button?

Darren 6:38

I mean, we'd all be dead, so it wouldn't really matter, would it? We would be in the way of the dinosaurs.

Sam 6:41

I mean, you know, the news goes like, oh, and Super Daran is flying up. Oh no, he's he's decided to not leave the atmosphere. He's he's actually turning around and he's flying back. I mean hitting the button.

Kara 6:53

The question is, can Superman actually breathe in a vacuum?

Sam 6:56

Yes. Well, no, so he can hold his breath for a really long time.

Kara 6:59

Oh right, okay.

Sam 6:59

Because like the other way of looking at this, because you can like help a bunch of people and try and keep it for the longest length of time. Or are you day one just writing some wrongs knowing that you probably won't get a day two?

Darren 7:10

Like Oh, so you're not thinking about saving people, just like killing your own enemies.

Sam 7:13

Yeah, yeah, you know, like killing your enemies. You got a lot of enemies stuffing carving out there's a list. It felt like there was, you know, I I wasn't even going there, but you were straight into the I mean I'm thinking you can pick your own landmass, right? Like, because you go like, oh yeah, I am like I'm Superman, like huge show of force, decimate like a military of Australia or something. Who's gonna try like a week later? You know, like someone's hit the button, so you don't have your powers anymore. But only you and that person know that you don't have your powers anymore. And who's gonna believe some random saying, like, oh yeah, uh button appeared out of nowhere and I hit it and now it's safe? You can go after the murder machine, it's fine. Are there spiders still in Australia? There are still spiders in Australia. It ain't happening, is it? It's gonna be a bad time without superpowers.

Darren 8:00

So I don't know what would I do? You've got to make the most of it. What's making the most of it? Pizza in under 30 minutes.

Sam 8:08

Just a temporary pizza standard. It's gonna be a great delivery driver. I mean, that is like a global delivery, like Yeah, and I do feel like at that point people aren't pressing that button. No, they want pizza.

Kara 8:20

Yeah, if you can get if you can get pizza from Italy, like within 20 minutes, 20 minutes, everyone's chewing it.

Sam 8:27

That is a great deal.

Darren 8:27

I wasn't even thinking of Italian pizza, like you were, I'm gonna I'm gonna send dominoes to the Italian pizza. No, no, no, yeah, yeah.

Sam 8:34

I was thinking dominoes to the Italians.

Darren 8:35

Everyone in Naples, you've never had a dominoes.

Sam 8:38

What if it's better? You know, like it's obviously everyone else thinks Italian pizza is better, but if the Italians don't know. Because you already know that like dominoes is better than like the average pizza place here. What if Italian dominoes is the best there is? Is there an Italian dominoes? Maybe we need to set one up.

Kara 8:56

There's no way there's a dominoes in Italy.

Darren 8:58

I feel like we should go to Italy and for the city.

Kara 8:59

I mean, pizza is so cheap in Italy, there is no way people are paying the prices of Domino Sound. Pizza worse than what they can buy at their local restaurant.

Darren 9:09

You've just basically shat all over Domino's.

Sam 9:12

No, no, because like they're successful. Cara's saying that they're worth the money. Domino's sponsor us.

Darren 9:25

That's when you know you got the name wrong. So, right, I'm Superman, could lose my power zone in a moment. Yep. I'm delivering pizza.

Kara 9:35

Seems like the most sensible option.

Darren 9:37

I've decided, you know, 30 minutes or less, or it's free. 30 minutes less or less, or you can press the button.

Sam 9:43

Ooh. Oh.

Darren 9:44

Bit of danger on it.

Sam 9:45

That is a bit of danger.

Darren 9:46

Um, only one order at a time. See. Just realizing that I can't be in multiple places at once.

Sam 9:51

Are you limiting yourself to pizza? Because you know, you've got some like Japanese sushi, original Texas barbecue wings, other countries' food that escapes me.

Darren 10:00

Cooking times are just too varied. Pizza oven goes in and out, especially sushi cooking times. Yeah, I was gonna say sushi is.

Sam 10:07

It's pretty up there.

Darren 10:09

I mean, as I'm as I'm fine, the pizza, so I'll just grab a fish out of the ocean and chuck it on. I'd be fine.

Sam 10:15

I mean, you have a very unique opportunity to start serving blue whale on order. Oh, imagine the whale the whalers.

Darren 10:23

They'd be gutted. I'd taken all the business away from them and all the pro anti-whaling people.

Sam 10:28

Yeah, no, I feel like the anti-whaling people is your bigger problem than the like what few whalers that probably still exist.

Darren 10:34

No, in my luck, they'd definitely get the button. And I'd just have picked a whale up and they'd press it. It's about time.

Kara 10:40

And you would deserve it.

Darren 10:42

And you don't deserve pizza. So yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna be a pizza delivery guy.

Sam 10:48

Clara, what are you doing?

Kara 10:49

Oh, I feel like the pizza delivery guy's the best option. Damn. But no, I just I think I'd just keep quiet. I just wouldn't do anything, and then you can't harm or hurt anybody.

Darren 11:00

Hang on, so you'd have superpowers and never use them.

Kara 11:02

I'd use them for my own personal gains.

Darren 11:05

Like using heat vision instead of paying for an oven.

Kara 11:07

Yeah, but I wouldn't like go out into the open with them because you just there's no way you can't not upset people. Like there's all whatever you do, you're always gonna accept somebody. If you deliver pizza, you're gonna accept them people that really love Mexican food.

Sam 11:22

So cause because here's the thing, right? If I've got that button and I'm told, hey, there's someone with Superman's powers out here, and I don't see them on the new saving people, I might hit that button. Like for not helping me.

Kara 11:33

Yeah, but at least I'm not gonna be fine through the air delivering pizza and pum it to my death because someone's pressed the button because they prefer to have Greek food.

Sam 11:40

This is true. Over pizza. This follows on to the second part of this question. Oh my god, a two-parter. Two-parter, you get the button. So someone who's Superman's powers, please get the button.

Darren 11:50

You press it immediately. You haven't finished the sentence now.

Sam 11:53

So, like you see on the news, Superman ref rescues orphans from a burning orphanage.

Darren 11:59

Let them burn. Damn. That button's getting pressed.

Sam 12:02

Ice cold.

Darren 12:03

Oh, the power. The button's getting pressed.

Sam 12:06

Cara?

Kara 12:07

No, I think I would wait until after they've saved the orphanage.

Sam 12:10

Yeah, I'm gonna say, what are you waiting for?

Kara 12:12

I'm waiting for them to do something I don't agree with, but then that's really wrong because that's proper power crazy.

Darren 12:17

Like a bigger disaster. The orphanage wasn't a big enough disaster, it's not gonna kill enough people by pressing the button, so you wait for something big to come along, then you press the whole thing through. I like your thinking.

Sam 12:26

You wait until we're like we're reliant on Superman. We like defund the Coast Guard, we defund doctors, defund firemen. Like, we don't need them. Superman's there. Like, I mean we've got to do that all in one day because otherwise the button's moved on. No, no, because Kara still has the button, and then someone else gets the biggest thing.

Kara 12:41

Yeah, but then Darren gets hit the next day and just presses the button.

Sam 12:44

So I was gonna say, so in this scenario, you are the only person who ever gets the button. Oh, in that scenario. In this scenario, you have the button, but you're the only one who gets this button.

Darren 12:52

I'll Superman be working for me.

Sam 12:53

See, this is the thing, right? Why would Superman work for you and not kill you before you can press it if he knows who you are? I've got a dead man switch on it.

Kara 13:00

Does well could but could I not like pass the button on him at will?

Sam 13:05

No, dead man switch. Oh, you deadman switch. Ooh. How would you deadman switch though? Like you'd like hook it up to your heart, like you've got this button embedded in you?

Darren 13:14

Yeah, I mean, the whole scenario is hypothetical. So let's just say there's a hypothetical way of doing it, and then we don't have to go into specifics. I mean, I'm not gonna start drawing blueprints up of how I'm gonna get this device to work.

Sam 13:25

Fake podcast. No such thing as a fish would sketch out blueprints. So yeah, Sam, what about you? See, I am, I think I am just doing so like if I get the powers, I am just doing the maximum good until someone hits the button. If I've got the button, I am pretty much like so. I don't hear anything, I'm hitting that button. Because anyone with Superman's powers not doing active good doesn't deserve them. Just flat. And then it's like, yeah, as long as most major earthquakes or major natural disasters, I'm probably hitting that button. And if I hear the super person is working for North Korea, I'm probably gonna hit it.

Darren 14:00

Like, what's wrong with North Korea? I feel like they're trying to kill a lot of people. I suppose that's a whole different, whole different show.

Sam 14:07

That is that is a whole different show. Yeah. I mean, we can start stealing from the rest is politics if you want. I mean, I think we should give that one a while. Wine birth, don't go into the politics.

Darren 14:17

Okay.

Sam 14:18

That feels like a really good point to move on.

Darren 14:21

Composure. So that was Sam. I reckon we go with you next, Cora.

Kara 14:26

Okay, so mind kind of in the theme of just having a kid. Would you have no music in the world, or there's music, but the music is only nursery rhymes?

Sam 14:39

I mean it's not like you have to listen to music, right? Like, I can choose not to.

Kara 14:45

You can choose not to listen, obviously.

Sam 14:46

So, like, my choice so like in the world where everything's nursery rhymes and the world where there is no music, to me, that's the same world, because I just don't listen to the music.

Darren 14:54

Yeah, but it also includes audiobooks. Yeah, audiobooks as well.

Kara 14:57

Yeah, and like you're watching a film.

Darren 14:59

No soundtrack.

Kara 15:01

I'm like, I know some guy's blowing up some building, and in the background is like wheels on the bus.

Sam 15:08

I do love that. Like, no, I am your father, it'sy bitsy spider, climbs up the drain pouch. I don't know nursery rhymes very well. The drain pout. The drain pout, it's a pouchy drain. Well, okay, because nursery rhymes is a very narrow market and it's very easy to get copyright. So drain sprout got copyrighted, unfortunately. All right, we're not gonna get the right thing.

Darren 15:34

Ah, that's I don't know. I mean, could you just sing all the music in a in a nursery rhyme kind of style?

Kara 15:40

No, you've only got nursery rhymes, and on top of that, you don't have the other genres, so you can't do nursery rhyme in a rock version, even though they exist on Spotify playlist for that. Um, but yeah, you can't change up the nursery rhymes, it's the nursery rhymes in their original format.

Sam 15:57

Do they still use it as much as they currently use it? It's not like everyone's gone like nursery rhymes kind of suck, and I don't want to like listen to them during a like a horror movie. Like they just everywhere where we have music now, it just turns into new nursery rhymes and they don't change it.

Kara 16:12

No, it's just that nursery rhymes is the only music you've got. So your average horror film doesn't have music in it. Yeah, your films could have no music in them.

Darren 16:21

But they've chosen to put it in there.

Sam 16:23

See, I feel like it's fine just picking nursery rhymes then, because like the no music world and the nursery rhyme music world for me is the same world. Like you live such a sad existence. What do you mean I love a sad? I just don't listen to nursery rhymes.

Kara 16:35

Yeah, but it'd just be really sad if there was no music at all in the world. But then nursery rhymes are really annoying.

Darren 16:41

Imagine just listening to Baby Shark on repeat for your whole life. Yeah, no, but I can just choose not to.

Kara 16:46

Like I feel like You can, but don't forget, you go to like a restaurant and to have music playing, they're gonna be playing nursery rhymes because that's the only music they've got. They're not gonna choose they're not gonna choose silence because people are still gonna use music the way music is used now.

Sam 17:02

So that's so that was my main question.

Kara 17:04

Like Yeah.

Sam 17:05

Because I was like, oh, if it's just nursery rhymes suck, it's just no one plays music. But if you're saying like I'm walking around Morrison's and they're playing nursery rhymes, yeah, because you need background music.

Darren 17:14

I I think of it like um at Christmas where it's Christmas songs everyone, it does your head in. Imagine that, but with nursery rhymes and it's much wear around.

Sam 17:21

I mean, is baby shark a nursery rhyme?

Darren 17:23

I don't think it is.

Kara 17:24

That's true.

Darren 17:24

What what's the definition of a nursery song?

Kara 17:27

I'm not sure.

Sam 17:28

I feel like it's gotta be slower, right? It's gotta be something that a baby could go to sleep to, right? And I feel like baby shark is not a big side.

Kara 17:33

No, I think no, some nursery rhymes are quite quick.

Sam 17:36

Are they?

Kara 17:36

Yeah.

Darren 17:36

I mean, I you could you could really slow baby shark down.

Sam 17:46

Have you ever heard baby shark? Like, that's slow down, baby shark. That's like I'm trying to rock a baby to sleep, baby shark. You definitely got the do-to-do's wrong. Well, yeah, no, because like you can't hit the same rhythm. I've only got the word do do do. Like it's if I'm hitting the rhythm as well, that baby's waking up.

Darren 18:03

And that's the baby's versus decision.

Sam 18:05

He wants the nursery rhymes. I was gonna say, I feel like I'm going no music because I'm not a big fan of the constant Christmas music in the city.

Darren 18:11

I think I'd have to go the same, you know, because it'd do my head in.

Kara 18:14

But then how would you suit babies to sleep? They'd have no music.

Darren 18:18

Yeah, but they'd never know that they need to be. Is white noise a music?

Sam 18:21

No.

Kara 18:22

No. So yeah, they'd have white noise.

Sam 18:24

Or like just slow spoken stories. You know, like instead of itsy bitsy spider, it's just like there once was an itsy bitsy spider, and the spider climbed up a drain sprout. Sprout. Sprout? What's the word I'm looking for?

Kara 18:40

Pipe!

Sam 18:41

It's not called drain pipe. It'sy bitsy spider did not climb up the drain pipe. Drain spout. Spout! Oh.

Darren 18:50

Not sprout. Or pipe. And you were you were you were taking the mick out of me for not knowing who Superman was.

Kara 18:56

He climbs up the water spout.

Sam 18:59

Oh, it is Oh.

Darren 19:03

Oh, this is an embarrassing moment.

Sam 19:05

Oh, to be the last one to get that right as well. Like, I'm really hoping there's something else. Like, actually, he climbs down train water sprout. No, he definitely goes up in. Again, you gotta look out for that copyright. It's yeah, yeah.

Darren 19:19

Yeah. We don't need to. I I'm definitely on the page of no nursery rhymes on the fact that I don't know any now.

Sam 19:25

So you think living in a world with no music at all is better than having to listen to nursery rhymes in like restaurants and like although, so because this is the thing, right? If this is your only form of music, do we still have the same breadth of music? Like, so there's millions of songs now, right? So do we get millions of nursery rhymes?

Kara 19:45

Oh, there are millions.

Sam 19:46

Oh, there's already millions.

Kara 19:47

How is there millions?

Sam 19:49

Like, how are there millions and I barely know one?

Kara 19:53

There's probably not millions, but there are so many. And then you've got to think you've got all the ones in all different languages and everything like that.

Darren 19:58

So you're not fat-checking the stuff. This is a very serious subject, and you're not fat-checking it.

Sam 20:03

What happens if I start humming in the no music world? Does like no sound come out? Oh, you literally just don't know the music.

Kara 20:10

You could only hold nursery rhymes. Yeah, you just there's no concept of music whatsoever. It's taken away.

Sam 20:16

Hmm. In a world of no music, do we still have like poems?

Kara 20:20

You'd still have poems because they're written, they're the written word.

Sam 20:23

Can I have written down songs? You can have a written down poem.

Kara 20:27

Some people, some people will claim some rappers are poets.

Sam 20:30

Yeah. Well, no, that's like the thing. So like world with no music, but we've still got I will walk 500 miles, but it's just a novel.

Darren 20:40

That that is a novel.

Sam 20:41

It's called Lord of the Rings. What a what a mist tie in. You know, there's that terrible scene at the end. Frodo's desperate to try and throw the ring in, and then you've got Peter K coming out going, I will walk 500 miles.

Darren 20:57

So yeah, I'm going, I'm going no no nursery rhymes, no songs, no nothing. No.

Kara 21:00

Oh, I couldn't live in a world without music.

Sam 21:02

You go nursery rhymes, though.

Kara 21:03

I had to go nursery rhymes. As annoying as they are, I'd rather have music, I think.

Sam 21:07

I feel like nursery rhymes are barely music. Yeah. Okay. Nice.

Darren 21:11

I mean, that's what you go. I mean, you're wrong, but that's what you call.

Sam 21:15

You did want a hard answer.

Darren 21:17

I mean, I mean, that's one of those where you know we say there's no good options, but there was a good option in that one, and that was no music for me and Samurai.

Sam 21:24

That's gonna be our format point is any guest that comes on, we just neg whatever appears. Go and Darren.

Darren 21:33

Over to me. Um, what shall we go with? Okay. Unprepared. Over prepared.

Sam 21:41

Some of these some of us had these off the dome.

Darren 21:46

I'm trying to think which one is a bit different than what we've already spoken about. So I'm gonna go with would you rather fight one horse size duck or a hundred duck sized horses? Do you want to pick a different one? Because the silence tells me that you're not.

Sam 22:00

No, I'm thinking. This is this is tricky because one duck-sized horse like is it angry? So like it wants to fight me, or is this duck temperament? Because I feel like the average duck doesn't want to fight me. And I also feel like the average horse doesn't want to fight me.

Kara 22:12

Um do I would go with the a hundred duck-sized horses because I think the horse's way of fighting is to kick. A duck coming at you with a beak that's the size of a horse, that beak, they are sharp little teeth in that beak, they would probably cause a huge amount of damage. I could probably just about survive being kicked by a hundred little horses.

Darren 22:39

So I had pet ducks once, and um they got a bit hungry once. All the female ducks ganged up on the the Drake that was in there and killed the guy, got him in a corner and pecked him to death and then ate him. There was nothing left. Well, there was bones left, but there was nothing left. Ducks are vicious, man.

Kara 22:56

Yeah, I don't think I'd want a horse-sized duck coming at me.

Sam 22:59

Wait, how many ducks killed this guy? The the guy was a duck. Oh, wait, oh. Yeah, well, I'm not saying they didn't kill a person.

Darren 23:06

Oh, right.

Kara 23:07

Yeah, but how many how many how many female ducks did it take to kill the one Drake?

Darren 23:11

I mean, that is the age of question. Uh four or five, I think that was in there.

Sam 23:16

Oh wow, okay, that's much slower than I thought. But also, still quite a lot. That indicates like a one-on-one fight.

Darren 23:23

But ducks are really violent when they when they have sex and they pin them to the ground and peck the back of the head and stuff.

Kara 23:29

The other question is, and I answered way too quickly before I asked this question, am I armed? Are you armed?

Darren 23:36

You have arms. You have two of them. That's about as much as you're getting.

Kara 23:39

Okay.

Darren 23:40

But nothing changes. You you can go out now and get a baseball bat through a duck's face if you wanted to.

Sam 23:45

Well, no, so this is the thing.

Kara 23:46

Like, if you give me like a flamethrower, like Yeah, I would probably take on one over a hundred. But like, if you're not getting a flamethrower from.

Sam 23:54

What do you mean, where am I getting a flame throw? Like, this is what we're asking. How much warning do we have?

Darren 23:58

Hang on, this scenario could really happen. There's no scenario where you could get a real flamethrower.

Sam 24:06

Give me a can of hairspray and a lighter.

Darren 24:08

Like see, I I I don't know with this one.

Sam 24:12

Because ducks are violent. Ducks are violent, because this is my other problem, right? So because horses can jump quite high in like horse size, but like I feel like a duck-sized horse probably can't get up a step. Like, I feel like I just stand on a stool and I'm safe from the duck-sized horse. I don't know.

Kara 24:31

I think a duck-sized horse is basically the same as like a chihuahua. Yeah. They're not gonna be tiny, tiny, are they? Ducks aren't small anymore.

Darren 24:40

Okay. And they've got a nasty bite when they need to. And imagine a hundred of them kicking you. It's gonna hurt. You're going down. But one giant duck could do some damage.

Sam 24:49

That's like so how much prep time? Like, am I dropped in an arena? Is it like outside my house?

Darren 24:53

Okay. Oh, right. We're gonna have to put some because this changes things. Okay.

Sam 24:58

Because I feel like my house could stand up to a hundred duck-sized horses way better than it can stand up to one horse-sized duck.

Darren 25:04

You are fighting them, not hiding. You know, this isn't again hide and seek, this is this is full-on fire.

Sam 25:09

You're in a you're in a you're in a ring. Sieges are fighting, you know. Like I've besieged.

Darren 25:14

So you're you're in a Roman time coliseum, you're in there, crowds around you, cheering on. Do I have a trident? No.

Sam 25:22

What kind of coliseum?

Kara 25:23

Do I have one of them big-right colossus chain rope things?

Darren 25:27

No. You mean a net?

Kara 25:30

Yeah.

Darren 25:32

You can have a carrot-sized crowbar.

Kara 25:36

No, because they they were like weighted, weren't they? And they swung them out.

Sam 25:39

Yeah, it was like weighted nets, yeah. Oh yeah, like a weighted net would do a horse-sized duck.

Kara 25:44

Yeah, easy.

Sam 25:46

It could fly away. Ducks. It's weighted.

Darren 25:50

Before you get the throw it on it, it'd be flying away and then it'd sit on you. It doesn't know what's wrong.

Sam 25:54

Yeah, I feel like.

Darren 25:55

I got well, we're we're completely off track. You've got your bare hands, alright?

Sam 25:58

Oh, right, alright, okay. Bare hands. You're in a coliseum. Like everyone's picture for everyone, everyone. Eight billion people are in these. Everyone you've ever met. Okay, nice.

Darren 26:09

But none of maturing for you.

Sam 26:12

Oh, that's devastating. That's dark. That that changes a lot. Like, how do I get past the depression of watching my parents cheer for my demise? But they may be proud of you if you if you beat the whole-sized duck with a duck-sized horse. Uh, okay, so everyone changes their minds. Like they're cheering for the like for the enemy so that I've got a challenge to overcome.

Darren 26:30

No, no, no, they're just really fickle. Yeah, basically. They're like, they're like glory-seeking. Who's gonna win this? Well, it's not Sam, so uh go duck.

Sam 26:39

That's gonna weigh on my soul. Like even afterwards, even after I win. I don't know if I can look everyone and die afterwards. I think I could win.

Darren 26:46

I mean, a hundred duck-sized horses, they'll surround you, bite you. There's a hundred of them.

Sam 26:52

It is a lot of them. That's a lot, and they're all angry. Because wait, okay, also, because isn't there a thing where like horses are like famously fragile? Like, I feel like square cubed lore, like you're shrinking down a horse, its bones become incredibly brittle. Like, I'm thinking maybe I can just kick my way through. Like, a horse scale down is gonna have weaker bones than a true hour.

Darren 27:14

I don't know.

Sam 27:14

I don't know, I feel like they're pretty strong. They're str no, obviously horses are strong, but are they strong pound for pound, like compared to like two hours, I guess is what I'm thinking against.

Kara 27:26

But when you have the same thing with a duck, don't ducks have hollow bones so they can float?

Sam 27:31

Yeah, no, they do, huh? Ducks do have hollow bones, but you scaled it up, right? So it's a huge cavity in those bones. So there's a huge cavity in those bones. No, no, no. So there's a big cavity, but also the thickness of the bones also goes up. So like the cavity gets bigger, but the thickness of the bones goes up as well. So it's going to be way harder to break a duck-sized horse's bones, a horse-sized duck's bones, than it is to break a duck-sized horse's bones. Because you're literally shrinking them down. If you're shrinking them down, you're shrinking everything and growing everything. So I have to go for the horses, because a horse-sized duck is going to be stronger than a horse. That's what I'm putting forward.

Darren 28:12

I mean, there's some logic in there. Karen?

Kara 28:15

Yeah, I'm going for the hundred.

Sam 28:17

Yeah, a hundred. What about you, Darren?

Darren 28:20

Oh, I'm going for the the the duck. The single? Yeah, a hundred horses. Okay, if there are duck size, that's still a lot. That's still a lot. I mean, a duck isn't sh small, especially the big ones. So um I reckon I could take a duck. A big duck. But it's gonna have such thick bones after being scaled up. But have you seen them walk on two feet? They waddle.

Kara 28:41

Such a massive beak. Yeah, but them webbed feet to size or squish you.

Sam 28:45

Yeah, because I'm also thinking, like, what does a duck currently do? Like one or two miles per hour? Like, you scale it up like a hundred times to make it horse size, that's like one to two hundred miles per hour.

Darren 28:55

Hang on, hang on. You've just said that their foot could squish me. It's the size of a horse, not the size of a building. It's not Godzilla duck. It's the size of a horse. I feel like a horse could squish you.

Kara 29:07

Yeah. Yeah, but people have died from being squished by.

Darren 29:10

Famously. Yeah, if if the duck's foot was the size of the horse, the whole duck is the size of the duck.

Kara 29:16

If a horse can squish you with tiny little hooves, then a duck that's got a massive foot scaled up, that's squishing you.

Sam 29:24

Yeah, I reckon like a duck size a horse-sized duck probably has a foot that's like, what, over a meter wide, probably.

Kara 29:32

Like them feet are big on them ducks.

Darren 29:34

I'm still going with a duck. I could take the duck. I don't think you're taking a duck. Let's go outside now and I'll show you how I can take a duck.

Sam 29:40

Well, no, no, I want to see you take out like what's the closest to crap? Like an em okay, because here's the thing, right? You're losing a fight to an emu or more. Different temperament. What do you mean? Different temperament? You said they're angry and trying to kill me.

Kara 29:53

Like have you heard of the emu war? Like, emus are serious. Yeah, yeah. Like, okay, yeah. They the Australians couldn't defeat them.

Sam 30:03

They couldn't. Yeah, but there was more than one emu. Yeah, no, but also emus are much smaller than horses.

Kara 30:09

And don't have the beak size that a duck-sized horse would have.

Sam 30:12

Oh, yeah. Imagine how big its egg would be. Oh, that would be delicious. But a lot of people would play.

Kara 30:19

You would really struggle to cook it in a fancy.

Sam 30:21

You would struggle.

Darren 30:23

Does that mean people would start eating horses though?

Sam 30:25

Oh, if there were I mean, they do in some places. So I'm gonna go with yes, because this is a fun fact about the chihuahua. Um, that was originally an eating dog, as in the Aztecs kept chihuahuas because they were very tasty to eat. So if we've got like, you know, ducks slash chihuahua-sized horses, we're definitely eating them. You can get like horse wings.

Darren 30:46

The vegetarians are about to uh disgust and shit about that.

Kara 30:48

No, I'm just trying to figure out like, do we eat animals?

Darren 30:52

Tastes like chicken. That's the question. Tastes like chicken. No, it famously tastes like beef, Tesco scandal. Yeah, but beef tastes like chicken. She's a vegetarian, Sam, she doesn't know.

Kara 31:05

No, but is the reason that horses have been pretty much exempt from being ate, minus the odd few countries that do eat them, because of their usefulness to us. You take away that usefulness by making them really small, they then become a viable option to eat.

Sam 31:20

I think we don't eat horses for the same reason we don't eat dogs, and it's just they don't think many people would eat them.

Kara 31:26

Just because of the pet element.

Sam 31:28

Just from the pet element.

Kara 31:29

And people would still have many horses as pets. In fact, more people would have horses as pets. Significantly more. Yeah.

Sam 31:35

This stigma would increase, if anything.

Darren 31:37

This is a really good point, you know. When we're saying a duck-sized horse, how many hands is the horse?

Sam 31:46

How many hands is the duck? Like two.

Darren 31:48

But what sized one and a half. No, but what size horse is the duck the size of?

Sam 31:54

Oh, are you talking like is it a pony-sized duck, or is this like a draft war horse-sized duck? I was imagining draft war horse sized.

Kara 32:02

Yeah. Yeah, I always sort of went standard.

Sam 32:04

I'm still taking that duck. Like, you know, like police on horseback kind of horse.

Darren 32:08

I'm still taking that duck out. I'm running at it as fast as I can, and then I'm gonna slide on the floor and kick one of its legs out from underneath it as it comes down to try and bite me with its beak, and then I'm underneath it and behind it, and then I jump on its back and I strangle it to death.

Sam 32:21

Because like here's the thing I don't think you're taking out a horse-sized horse. Like, and I feel like a duck is way better prepared for fighting a human than a horse is.

Darren 32:30

I couldn't take out a horse-sized horse because it's got four legs. It's all about the number of legs.

Kara 32:35

Because here's the thing, like you try and sweep-ducks stand on one leg all the time.

Sam 32:39

I mean, I'm also thinking that they have a flamingo. Like, you try and sweep the leg, it just flaps.

Kara 32:44

Yeah, it's not falling down if you sweep out, it's like it does, yeah.

Sam 32:48

Because I actually think, because if this is like a flying duck, so you've increased the strength of its wings enough for it to be able to fly, it flaps its wings, the air pressure alone is probably popping your eardrums. Again, that big enough. Yeah, no, but there literally isn't anything the size of a horse that flies right now. Pegasus.

Kara 33:11

I knew that was coming.

Sam 33:13

That is literally a horse that can fly. I feel like that's like well-known, like fantasies making for them to be able to fly. Like the same rules as like that lets dragons fly, you know. Like, those wings aren't big enough for a dragon to fly. They all have to use magic to fly.

Darren 33:28

I'm still taking on the duck size horse. That's fair.

Sam 33:31

I think you're right.

Darren 33:31

Sure, choice.

Sam 33:32

Yeah, no. We'll mourn you while cheering for the other horse, apparently.

Darren 33:39

Ah, so that's it for this episode. I've been Darren. I've been joined by Sam and Kara, and we've been No Good Options. If you enjoyed this episode, then make sure to rate us on your podcast platform of choice and share it around. If you want to see your scenarios on future episodes or just want to get in touch, then you can reach us at no good optionspodcast @gmail.com. Thanks for listening. Until next time. Bye.

Band 34:01

Would you rather what if you could? Oh, we made it weird like you knew we would. Oh, what was your end? Quick, no good options.