Ep.4: Gladiators, Grabbers and a Forgotten Time

In this episode of No Good Options, Darren, Sam and Kara try to work out how many increasingly older people they could realistically defeat, debate what objects they would replace their hands with if given the choice, and consider whether perfect memory would actually be better than being able to forget anything at will. 

As always, the conversation quickly wanders into unexpected territory, covering everything from Robot Caesar, inhaling 1000 year old people, Hoover hands, Captain Hook, robot uprisings, dystopian futures and government conspiracies.

Look out for new episodes every 2 weeks and if you enjoy this episode, we'd really appreciate a good rating on your podcast platform of choice and a share with anyone who enjoys questionable debates and impossible decisions. If you want to find out more or you have a scenario you'd like us to discuss in a future episode then head over to www.nogoodoptions.co.uk

Disclaimer: The views, opinions, arguments, and questionable decisions discussed in this episode are part of a light-hearted comedy conversation based on hypothetical scenarios. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as professional advice, factual guidance, or a serious life plan. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

Darren 0:29

Hello and welcome to No Good Options, the podcast where we ask the what if, if you could, and the would you rather questions that are just begging to be asked. Each episode we bring a different scenario to ask each other, ranging from the absurd to the surprisingly thought-provoking. I'm your host, Darren, and with me today is my co-host, Sam. And our guest. Kara. So let's kick things off with you.

Sam 0:49

Uh Sam, what have you got for us? Alright. Question here today is with the idea being one one-year-old, two two-year-olds, three three-year-olds, so on and so forth, at what point would you lose that fight? So everyone could take one one-year-old. I don't think either of you are taking 20, 20 year olds. At what point are you losing?

Kara 1:10

Is this a physical fight or a mental fight?

Sam 1:12

Fully physical fight. This is like you are in the Colosseum. You're in the Roman Colosseum. You're barehanded, they're barehanded, you're dropped on either side of the Colosseum, and it is a fight to the death.

Darren 1:23

Okay. Can we have some like details?

Sam 1:25

That's it. They really want to kill you. You want to live. Like, how far can you go? Like, you know, could you take 10, 10-year-olds? Are you stopping around like seven, seven-year-olds?

Kara 1:36

Would I morally want to take 10 10 year olds?

Sam 1:39

Well, this is the other problem. Are you willing to give your life in order to save?

Kara 1:43

No, I think I'd just go straight in at like, yeah, like the 20, 20 year olds, and then just give up my own life.

Sam 1:49

Oh, go for the quick death then.

Darren 1:51

Yeah, but that means that you've taken all the layers on. So you've you've taken the one-year-old on and chopped him down. Ah, no, no.

Sam 1:57

You are you're picking.

Darren 1:58

Oh, you're picking.

Sam 1:59

Yeah, yeah. You know, you're not having to fight through waves.

Kara 2:01

I think I'd just self-sacrifice.

Darren 2:03

At what point is it a moral issue? I wouldn't take on a one-year-old. That's quite cruel. At what point does it then feel okay? I mean Because there's there's one thing, which is could I physically beat them? And the other thing is, would I want to beat them?

Sam 2:17

Yeah, I mean, like morally, you're kind of forced in there. Probably age of maturity, 18. 18, 18 year olds, you can probably go in.

Darren 2:25

Because they're making a choice of that at that point. Everyone else under that is forced to fight.

Sam 2:29

Forced into fighting, yeah. No, the adults are like they've found 18, 18-year-olds who just want to kill a man.

Kara 2:35

I mean, I'm not beating 18, 18-year-olds.

Darren 2:37

I'd go for a hundred, one hundred-year-olds.

Sam 2:39

Ooh, I still think I'm so clever. But there's a certain point where just the sheer weight of them are piling on top of you and you're not getting through. But are they piling on top of me? They can trip on top of you. But I can move. I guess you can move. You're thinking like divide and conquer.

Darren 2:57

Yeah, like just keep keep on the move, keep moving around, ducking and diving, dodging, and let them chase me down.

Sam 3:03

I mean, there's a certain degree of just fatigue is gonna set in at a certain point.

Darren 3:07

Yeah, for them, they're a hundred years old.

Sam 3:09

Very true. Okay, Kara, what if um they're like they're robots that act the exact same way as that age? So you don't need to worry about the philosophical question of or moral question. So this is like Westworld style robots where they're basically entirely biological except the brain.

Kara 3:28

Okay, so at that point, you probably look in about eight, eight-year-olds.

Darren 3:34

Eight eight-year-olds is very reasonable. So just on that, you mentioned about Westworld. Do the robots know they're robots?

Sam 3:41

Yeah, you don't get to like, you know, just win the fight immediately by going, you know you're a robot, right? And they all just start crashing and freaking out as they question them.

Darren 3:49

I wasn't thinking that, I was thinking more on the moral side that, you know, if they think they're real, does it still make it a bit weird?

Sam 3:56

Oh, I see what you mean. No, no, no. They think they're robots and they know they're programmed to kill you, and they don't care because they have no feelings.

Darren 4:02

That's what you think.

Sam 4:03

That is what I think. This is how I'm the first casualty of the robot uprising. Darren's there asking the right questions. This is in like 50 years' time, and you I'm having to defend myself like it was a different time. We just didn't understand back then. Listen, it was the common idea.

Darren 4:20

When the rumba goes round, I thank it.

Sam 4:22

Every time. Every time, thank you, little Hoover. I've seen you you've just admitted to owning a robot slave there. You're gonna be paying some robot reparations in 20 years' time. Pay it healthily. How do you how are you paying your rumba? It's got a roof over its head. Oh I think they've made that argument before, Darren. We also don't own one.

Kara 4:43

No, I was about to just shame you into like making everyone think that we owned something. We don't own one. No, we're not.

Darren 4:49

We're not posh. We don't own a rumba. And we have no carpets.

Sam 4:53

That's also true. That's mainly the reason. Future robots listening to this, they are both lying. I'm looking at two different rumbas that they forced to fight to the death. They attach tiny little chainsaws to the top of them and they laugh as they bump into each other, shredding each other.

Darren 5:09

Yeah, but they don't bump in each other because they've got the little sensor, so they just go off a different direction. They they go towards each other.

Sam 5:15

They didn't want to. That's when you put the chainsaw, you sick. How dare you! You covered up their sensors with a chainsaw to force them after each other. Mine won't. Alright, if your cap is like, call the cap 30 to 40, I guess, for you, Darren. Like, no. Oh, oh, you're cap you're putting a cap on it. I'm now putting a cap on it, because otherwise the correct answer is a thousand, and I'm just wading through dust.

Darren 5:41

No, because the Coliseum isn't big enough.

Sam 5:43

For a thousand? Yeah. I'm thinking like they all stay in the stands. Like, as you defeat the first wave, the next wave comes in.

Darren 5:50

So you're not taking on a thousand at that point, you're taking on maybe a hundred thousand-year-olds, and when they're all defeated, the next hundred come in.

Sam 5:58

I mean, it's not like you defeat the full hundred, it's like every one that you defeat, the next one immediately comes in. But again, there are a thousand, they're dead, it's just dust piling up in the Coliseum.

Darren 6:09

I mean, medical medical can do wonderful things these days.

Sam 6:15

In fact, if anything, actually, a thousand thousand-year-olds worth of dust, it's probably gonna kill you as well. Like one breath, and suddenly your your lungs are done.

Darren 6:24

It's very carcinogenic, I've been told.

Sam 6:27

People.

Darren 6:28

It's it's worse than smoking 30 a day. I've heard that.

Sam 6:31

That's the classic. Like, you know, that's like that's where cigarettes were invented from. Do you know how they do vapes to try and get people to stop smoking? They invented cigarettes to get people to stop hoffing elderly. Like, and you know, they were basically forced into because we ran out of pyramids to raid.

Darren 6:48

So I've got a cap on of what, 40?

Sam 6:50

Yeah, caps 40. Because no way you're taking 44-year-olds.

Darren 6:54

I mean, you've seen me, Sam.

Sam 6:56

I have seen you.

Darren 6:57

I mean, you're looking at me right now.

Sam 6:59

I am indeed.

Darren 7:00

Realistically, I'm probably not doing more than five, five-year-olds.

Sam 7:04

Oh.

Darren 7:04

In height alone, they they're taller and they'll look down on me and make me suffer. So I'm kind of capped out at about five, five-year-olds.

Kara 7:14

I feel really brave going for eight, eight-year-olds now.

Darren 7:17

You are hench. I'll be honest, I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley.

Sam 7:25

That's fair. I think I'm sitting around like nine, nine-year-olds, maybe ten, ten-year-olds. That's brave. It is quite brave. None of us have made it into teenagers. Oh, yeah, no, not even close. At that point, you've got no chance. Yeah, the chance.

Kara 7:37

No, I've seen I've seen Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, and I just think I've not taken on 10, 10 year olds.

Sam 7:42

Poor old Captain Hook. He had a full crew and couldn't take on.

Kara 7:45

Exactly. Like, you know what? Kids are wildly dangerous.

Darren 7:48

There's a serious point there. You've got to feel sorry for that Captain Hook guy.

Sam 7:51

Yeah.

Darren 7:51

Yeah. I mean, he lost his arm to a crocodile, his hand to a crocodile, had it replaced for the hook. He just wants peace.

Sam 7:57

Yeah, that's like the only thing people knew him by. Yeah. Like if people started coming up to me and going, like, hey, glasses. Like, hey, Captain Glasses, how's it going? Like, I'd be like, I'm a I'm a person too, you know.

Darren 8:08

But yeah, I'm I'm I think I'd go quite young. It's surprising that none of us have gone into teenager territory though. Yeah.

Sam 8:14

I mean that's certain with numbers.

Darren 8:16

Well, that just says a lot about us, I think.

Sam 8:18

Yeah, that too.

Darren 8:19

I imagine most people would be like, I can do 18, 18-year-olds. I'll admit.

Sam 8:24

Yeah, mate, you don't know. I can take them out. Damn pub, yeah. Exactly. You know, when I was in I was a black belt and I was taking them out, I can do it.

Darren 8:32

Exactly. Where we're more like, yeah, we're wimps.

Sam 8:36

It's fair, we're honest.

Kara 8:38

I think it's just a matter of survival, really.

Darren 8:41

As soon as I need more than one hand to count them, I'm out.

Kara 8:44

But that's it. If it is just a matter of survival, wouldn't you just take on the one one year old?

Sam 8:48

So I would say it's something like you get given like £100 per one that you take out, maybe. Or like.

Darren 8:55

I mean, that's a guaranteed hundred pound.

Sam 8:57

Oh, actually, no, no, no. So this gets a little dark here. But each level that you take on is the number of family members that you get to save from the evil overlords that are running this Colosseum. So you want to go as high as possible. No. But they're only saved if you win.

Darren 9:11

I ain't got a great deal of family left, so I can stay.

Sam 9:23

No, this is Robot Caesar.

Darren 9:24

I was gonna say, I don't think he did that.

Sam 9:26

Well, he didn't. I mean I mean, I think he'd made quite a lot of people fighting the Coliseums.

Darren 9:30

Yeah, but I don't think he was like, you've got to take on a one-year-old to save one of your family members.

Sam 9:35

They did some wild stuff in the Coliseum. I wouldn't have played past them.

Darren 9:38

I don't think they did that.

Sam 9:39

They had full naval battles. Like they flooded the Coliseum to do mock navel battles. This is like chump change in comparison.

Darren 9:47

So Robot Caesar could be like 10 times worse.

Sam 9:49

Robot Caesar is 10 times worse.

Darren 9:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I assume we're all taking part in this. So why would I save you? If it's family and friends, why would I go in there and save you when I know you're gonna get to go in there and save yourself?

Sam 9:59

I mean, you kind of don't know yet. It's like robot Caesar has gone. We have analysed who you are, and we have picked your top 40 people. And you know, for every level that you go to.

Kara 10:09

I don't know 40 people. Yeah.

Sam 10:11

I don't know 40 people. I know 40 people. Like, I've got like 40 people I'd like to keep alive.

Darren 10:16

Name them all right now.

Sam 10:18

Name all 40 people. Well, first is Darren and Kara. AJ, not necessarily in that order.

Darren 10:29

I'm still gonna probably go with five, five-year-olds.

Sam 10:32

So you only say five people that you care about.

Kara 10:36

Yeah.

Sam 10:36

Like I'm pushing myself to like eight or nine people that I care about.

Kara 10:40

Yeah, I mean, I I went for eight, eight-year-olds, and I'd probably stick there because I actually genuinely think nine, nine-year-olds would defeat me.

Darren 10:47

I think eight, eight-year-olds would defeat you.

Kara 10:49

You just told me I was hench.

Darren 10:51

Yeah, no, but hench more hench than eight, eight-year-olds. I don't think so. It's like an 81-year-old. Quick math.

Kara 11:02

Quick math.

Darren 11:03

No, I'm I'm not sure. Nine times nine, eighty-one.

Kara 11:07

I was at MG an eight-year-old.

Sam 11:09

Oh, 64. See, quick math. Yeah, you said the math was quick, not right.

Darren 11:17

And to be fair, 81 would be easier to beat than 64 as a total age. That's true. Yeah, I'm I'm gonna stick with five, five year olds. Cool. All right. And I'm gonna enjoy every moment of it. So that was Sam's. How about we go with me next? What if you could replace your hands with any object? What would you choose?

Sam 11:35

Do they get to stay articulated? Or like if I pick spoon, I just have two spoons and that's just it.

Darren 11:41

Oh yeah, yeah, you've just got two spoons.

Sam 11:43

Oh, it's very little that's better than hands.

Darren 11:45

It's not for individual fingers, it's like your whole hand gone, just a nub, new object gets fused on there. What are you going for?

Kara 11:53

I can't go for a robotic hand.

Sam 11:55

That is also what I was gonna ask for. I was gonna go for like a full terminator style robotic hand that's like way stronger and more powerful and bulletproof.

Darren 12:03

Does that exist today to a point where you could get your hands on it?

Kara 12:06

I mean, no, but a robotic robotic arm does exist.

Darren 12:09

Well, it can't be the same as a hand. It's gotta be an object, it's gotta be something different. So it can't resemble a hand.

Sam 12:15

You're getting really hooked on Captain Hook here, I feel like this is this is stuck with you. You forgot your original question and now just thinking about Captain Hook. Are we also called Captain Insert Object that we're picking here as well? Like Kara is Captain Robot hand.

Darren 12:31

It should be, but she can't have a robot hand. She could have a rumba. Should have a rumber. Captain Rumba hands.

Kara 12:36

Don't feel like I want a rumber. Yeah, like how quite weirdly shaped on my hand.

Sam 12:40

How real are we going here? Can I pick tentacle? Like octopus tentacle? Yeah, you could pick a tentacle. Okay, because me not being able to access a robot hand, that was terrible. But me being able to attach a robot tentacle and have it fully work. It's not a robot tentacle. No, okay, just a normal tentacle. But have that fully work. So like I find an octopus, I take one of its tentacles, I stick it on where my hand used to be. This just works. I just have a full tentacle now.

Darren 13:04

I mean, it would probably die on you.

Sam 13:06

Oh, right. Okay. So like I pick octopus tentacle and I just have a bit of rotten meat attached to the end of the phone.

Darren 13:12

Yeah, but you could pick octopus and have the octopus on there. It would live on your stub for a while until it decays and dies, which is kind of why I said object, not living thing.

Kara 13:22

Question: Can you take the object on and off? Or once it's on, is it stock? I'm just thinking about getting dressed, like getting my arms through a sleeve.

Darren 13:30

Oh, I thought you were about like accessories, quick change accessories. Like a hoover.

Sam 13:36

See, okay, because I was thinking just hoover for hands because I switch it on and then suddenly I can pick objects back up again because I can use the suction of the hoover to pick it up.

Darren 13:46

That's why you'd want a hoover for hands.

Sam 13:48

Oh my god. I'm keeping Hoover hands. I stand by Hoover hands because I need to be able to pick up objects. That is self-sucking, as it were. And it attaches to things when I want to pick them up. Because otherwise, I'm not getting um prehensile objects like a standard grippers, then.

Darren 14:06

So is this gonna be a plug-in Hoover hands or is it gonna be battery hoover hands? Battery operated. So every every like 20 minutes when the batteries run out, you've got to go and stand by a plug-socket.

Sam 14:16

But I feel like I don't lift things for 20 minutes at a time. Like it's spread throughout the day. My total time spent lifting things will be quite low. And obviously, I would have, you know, a place with like lots of pockets or like lots of ways to store things on my body that don't include storing it on my hands. No.

Darren 14:30

So how does a hoover hand go inside a pocket without just sucking the pocket up into the hoover?

Sam 14:35

So I'm imagining the top of the pockets is sort of held open by like some sort of metal or plastic ring. So then the hoover just goes into the top of the pocket and like lifts out from the top so that the pocket never properly closes.

Darren 14:46

I like it. You've really thought this through.

Sam 14:48

I have probably thought this through. The alternative is like everything needs to be like velcroed or magnetic, maybe. And then I have like velcro or magnets just on a harness, you know, kind of like dongarees.

Kara 14:57

Does your hoover hand have continuous suction, or do you have to turn yourself on and off?

Sam 15:02

I feel like I've got a because it's on both hands, right? I'm replacing both hands. So I sort of grab one hand and try and flick on the other hand to in order to pick something up. It's a it's a bad life. Like it's not a fun time.

Darren 15:13

Well, it didn't have to be bad life. You chose the hoover hands.

Sam 15:15

I've I feel like I want to be able to pick things up. It's still not as bad as picking spoons or a rotting tentacle. Yeah, but you could have picked like a litter picker grabber.

Kara 15:24

I was gonna say litter picker grabber. Yeah, but you've taken it off me now, so I'm gonna say kitchen tongs.

Sam 15:28

Well, okay, because this is the thing, right? Litter picker grabber and/or kitchen tongs, how are you pulling the handle to close the litter picker?

Darren 15:36

How are you turning the hoover on and off?

Sam 15:38

With the other hand, as in one hoover is hitting the switch on the other hoover.

Darren 15:42

How are you plugging yourself into charge?

Sam 15:44

I'm just asking friends.

Darren 15:47

I mean, I don't know if we're close enough for that, I'll be honest.

Sam 15:51

You wouldn't plug in my Hoover hands. It's so hurtful. I'd feel dirty. It's like the same as it's like barely the same as holding hands. Like that's too much for you. We're not married.

Darren 16:05

Go on then, Cara, what are you going for?

Kara 16:06

I was gonna go for like a litter picker. You still can't kitchen pick. I wasn't worrying for that.

Sam 16:11

Why are you thinking about squeezing the handle to get the litter picker claw to close?

Kara 16:15

I don't know, and that's the bit that's confusing me.

Darren 16:17

Brain of mine, it is fused to you. So you could have it fused to your nervous system.

Kara 16:21

Oh, right, okay, yeah.

Sam 16:22

Wait, but I'm not allowed to fuse my tentacle to my nervous system. No, because no. Hurtful. No answers, silence. Well, it's it's the argument of tyrants.

Darren 16:33

So would it live? If if you did today a body transplant and swapped a hand for a tentacle, would it live?

Sam 16:39

Yeah, like I mean my blood's like going around it and I recognise octopus blood is totally different from the table.

Kara 16:44

I was about to say it's like blue for a start.

Sam 16:46

Yeah, no, it is copper-based rather than iron-based, but I'm ignoring that. Like. So I don't think it'd work too well, but I mean for a grabber, yeah. Okay, so we're just assuming that the grabber works, we're assuming that tongs work.

Darren 16:57

Or equally, you could have a piece of string from it that pulls the grabber and just have that in your mouth and go. As an audio format, it doesn't make much sense.

Sam 17:06

Yeah, you're just making weird sounds. For the audience at home, Darren was miming grabbing a piece of string in his mouth and then yanking his head back in order to close the grabber handle. Oh, yeah, you can go for grabber hand.

Kara 17:18

Yeah, that's what I'm going for.

Sam 17:19

I mean, if I can operate them, I'm picking tongs. Like if my nervous system, like I'm clenching.

Kara 17:23

I mean, you really double down on the hoover, so I'm kind of disappointed in your own. I get I'm disappointed in you for changing your mouth.

Sam 17:29

Well, that was before I knew it was hooked up to my nervous system.

Darren 17:32

You'd be domestic goddesses. You could hoover the house. You could cook. I mean, you're cooking and cleaning. We're pretty much there, aren't we? There's not much else to do. I think I'd have one hand with an umbrella.

Kara 17:43

Oh, I didn't know we could have hands different.

Sam 17:45

It didn't occur to me, but in hindsight, I should have known that we can have different hands on each.

Darren 17:49

Should always check the small print.

Sam 17:51

Go on then. Okay, one hands and umbrella.

Darren 17:52

One hands and umbrella, because it's always raining and it'd be nice to like always be dry. Difficult to open. No, no, because you could flick it open. Got you.

Sam 18:00

Like a flick knife.

Kara 18:01

It's probably more difficult to close.

Sam 18:03

Yeah, how are you closing?

Kara 18:05

Asking your friends.

Sam 18:07

Yeah, apparently we're not there yet.

Darren 18:10

I'll plug you in if you let my umbrella down for me. Seems like a fair trade-off. Um, so yeah, one hand would be an umbrella, and then the other hand would be a the other hand would be a knife.

Sam 18:20

Difficult to go out in public.

Kara 18:22

You're not picking anything up.

Sam 18:24

Well, no, you stab. Like you stab the knife in the thing, and then you can pick it up. Difficult with your son.

Kara 18:29

Not picking up the baby.

Sam 18:31

That's what the umbrella hands for. And cradling with it.

Kara 18:36

Scoop him up.

Sam 18:37

But yeah, I feel like, you know, UK law, not allowed to carry a knife in public. You just can't leave the house anymore.

Kara 18:42

Are you carrying it if it's stuck to you and part of your anatomy?

Sam 18:46

I think the law cares only if you're carrying something that can stab other people, irrelevant of whether you are or are not forced into carrying this thing that can stab other people. And also, it's not a whether you can choose. Darren has chosen to surgically attach a knife to himself. Like, this feels like a weird loophole for like planes. Like, you're not allowed to take guns or knives on a plane unless you just surgically attach yourself to them. And then I guess they just have to let you on.

Darren 19:13

But the re the knife could be really quite handy because, like, if you're cooking, you can actually chop an onion. If you get the millions of Amazon deliveries that we get on a daily basis, you can open those parcels. You can use the tip of the knife to like turn the page of a book. You know, you'd have surprisingly a lot of control with that knife. It is would be multifunctional. I mean, I could have said just like an army Swiss Army knife.

Sam 19:36

Swiss Army knife is pretty great. But then I was like, yeah, but you couldn't open each individual thing.

Darren 19:41

Yeah, so I'm happy just with a proper chef's knife on there.

Sam 19:43

Oh, chef's knife.

Darren 19:45

Not machete. No, no, no, no, because it's too big and cumbersome. It drag on the floor as I walk, I'm only short. Where a chef's knife would still fit in my pocket. Cut my leg up to shreds, but it'd fit in my pocket still. Realise neither of those options allow me to go to the toilet safely, though.

Sam 20:00

Oh, see, that's what friends are not for. Well, you could just hoover it all off.

Kara 20:06

You also can't get dressed by yourself or anything like that.

Darren 20:10

But I can cover myself up with my umbrella in public. And if anyone says anything, I'll stab them.

Sam 20:17

You are taking up like half of your chosen hands for an umbrella when you could just own a raincoat.

Darren 20:23

That's true, I could. Because there's an umbrella behind you. And I was like, that'd be cool.

Sam 20:28

You didn't think about this question before you asked it.

Darren 20:30

Absolutely not, no. Fair. There'd be too much planning involved in that. And I also was gonna hope to hear you two first and then think, yeah, there'll be something I can spin off from it.

Sam 20:40

Steal one of them.

Darren 20:41

Steal one. I've been known to do that every now and then, I'll be honest. But no, I I was when I was asking it and you were telling me your sign we're having the hoovans, obviously, you can at the umbrella hanging behind your head. I was thinking, yeah, actually, that'd be pretty cool because it's always wet. Always wet. And you can always go, oh, I've got to bring a jacket with me tonight. Didn't expect rain. We should have got an umbrella. There it is.

Sam 20:59

Yeah, it's true. I feel like I would be tempted to pick. Like, have you seen the grabber NASA designed for moon rocks? Like, it's designed to be almost entirely non-mechanical. It's just a series of hooks spread out like a starfish that are designed to like fall over the object, and then as you're picking up the hooks catch and then let you pick objects up.

Darren 21:18

Nice. It's just like a gravity grabber kind of thing.

Sam 21:20

Kind of like a gravity grabber, yeah. I think I'd pick one of those for one of my hands.

Darren 21:23

So you've got a hoover on one.

Sam 21:25

Hoover on one, gravity grabber on the other. Starfish. That's it.

Darren 21:29

Yeah. Cargo on, you only give us one hand.

Kara 21:31

No, I'm having two litter pickers.

Darren 21:33

Two litter pickers.

Kara 21:34

Yeah. It feels the most close to norm.

Sam 21:37

Not kitchen tongs. Yeah, I was gonna say, litter pickers are pretty long. You're everything you're doing, you're doing it like a what a one one point five meter difference.

Kara 21:44

It'd be a lovely change for me to feel like I can reach like two centimetres in front of my body.

Sam 21:53

Because here's the thing you can just carry a litter picker with you right now. You don't need to remove your hands.

Darren 21:58

This is just like the Mac, though. What happens when you forget it? No, but the great thing with that is you'd be able to reach the top shelves without the step.

Kara 22:04

Yes.

Darren 22:05

You could just reach it yourself. Yeah. I mean, that's a game changer for you.

Kara 22:08

See, litter pickers all the way.

Darren 22:09

I mean, you could choose different things for each hand.

Kara 22:12

No, because I I'd like to be symmetric.

Darren 22:14

Right. Because that's important.

Kara 22:16

Well, yeah, because I'm definitely considerably stronger with my right hand. So my left hand just needs to complement the right hand.

Darren 22:22

Why don't you have a bin bag on one hand and a litter picker on the other?

Sam 22:27

Also, if I'm being given these objects, I'm wondering, can I just pick platinum hands, sell them, and then pay someone else to be my hands for me? Just two big balls of platinum, please, stuck on the end of my stumps. Um, and then I sell those off, and then I pay someone with the funds from my platinum stumps to be my hands for me out in the world.

Darren 22:48

No, I'm I'm definitely going with the umbrella on one arm, and I'm gonna pick my left hand for that, and I'm gonna pick a chef's knife for my right arm.

Sam 22:56

I'm definitely going like diamond left, platinum right. You went for Hoover, we all heard it. Went for Hoover and Gravity Grabber, fine. Sorry, we've got to take your first answer.

Darren 23:05

Fine. And Kara's going with the litter pickers.

Kara 23:07

Yep.

Darren 23:08

Two identically sized litter pickers, one for each arm.

Kara 23:11

Yes. So I don't fall over because I'm heavier on one side than the other.

Darren 23:16

Smart. So that was mine. Now over to you, Cara.

Kara 23:22

Okay, so mine is a little bit of a deeper one today. Um, would you rather have a perfect memory or be able to forget anything you wanted at will?

Sam 23:32

That is interesting. Because immediately perfect memory, you're like, well, I could do quite a lot of perfect memory. But on the other hand, forget anything I want at will. I love the book series, I forget the book series, I reread the book series again, over and over again. I feel like I would have a problem where I just would find my favourite book series or film or TV show and just never leave the house. I am just constantly watching this over and over and over again.

Darren 23:56

See, I can re-watch the same programme over and over again anyway, without having forgot it.

Kara 24:00

You don't get that level of enjoyment of it being the first time, though.

Darren 24:05

No, but I normally have fallen asleep at somewhere on it, so it's always the first time for certain parts. It's a tricky one. What would you do?

Kara 24:12

I think I would definitely go be able to forget anything you wanted at Will.

Darren 24:16

I mean, any trauma in your life, it's quite easy to forget, but then you'd keep reliving that when you realise it's happened.

Kara 24:21

It's more to do with having the perfect memory, I don't think is a good thing.

Sam 24:26

Oh, okay.

Kara 24:27

Like, I don't necessarily think you want to remember every single minute of every single day. Like I feel quite sorry for people that do have Odesic memories. Yeah.

Darren 24:37

But I suppose you can learn to control thoughts. You can't think of everything all at once. It's just that you're you're constantly processing.

Sam 24:45

Uh, okay. So this is kind of like the difference between like you've got perpetual recall, perfect recall, but it's not like you're thinking of everything all the time, or whether you are actively remembering your entire life all of the time.

Darren 24:59

Because that'd be tough. Yeah, that'd be that'd be really tough.

Sam 25:02

I think if it's tough, I think if it's perfect recall, I think I am picking perfect recall. And then, you know, like you can nail your way through almost any education course. Like most education courses is just memory-based. Kind of like the guy who won the French Scabble Scrabble World Tournament without knowing any French. He just memorized the French dictionary.

Darren 25:24

How did he do in the scabble tournament then?

Sam 25:27

Oh, much worse because they uh they require made-up words which weren't in the dictionary that he memorized.

Kara 25:32

It's the same as chess tournaments, though, isn't it? Because chess is just um what cannot think of the word.

Sam 25:38

Memorise patterns like certain roots.

Kara 25:41

I can't think of the word at all.

Sam 25:42

Are you thinking algorithm? It's just an algorithm. Chess is very algorithmic. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. So you probably could become chess grandmaster if you had an idetic memory. I wonder what else? What would let you like make a tremendous sum of money from an idetic memory?

Kara 25:58

You could certainly count cards in a casino quite easily.

Sam 26:00

Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, maybe.

Darren 26:02

So is it perfect recall?

Kara 26:04

I would say it's perfect recall. Okay, yeah.

Sam 26:07

Because the other one's just hell.

Darren 26:08

Like, yeah, absolutely. I think perfect recall for me.

Sam 26:11

Yeah, I do think that if I could forget things at will, I really would just be stuck in a loop. Because here's the problem, right? Like I watch a TV show or like a movie that I really loved. Nothing's coming to mind immediately. But I finish it and I'm like, cool, I'm gonna forget that. I'm sat in front of my TV with the film that I really love on, so I watch it again. Time is passing, but I've got no idea time is passing. Like I just randomly get tired and I'm like, well, I can't be tired. I only woke up 20 minutes ago. But it's been days of me just sat there in front of the TV, just watching the same thing. Or more likely reading a book, just reading the same book series over and over again. It's just my life becomes 24 hours of that non-stop.

Darren 26:53

It'd be really unhealthy.

Sam 26:54

It would be horrendously unhealthy.

Darren 26:56

I mean, on the plus side, as I said, you can forget certain traumas, which would be useful. But yeah, I'm kind of with you. I think it'd end up destroying me with perfect recall. Yeah, you can you've got to hold on to those traumas and you'll never forget them. But actually, there's a lot of good in life. And you know, you it's nice to think back and remember them. And I think probably the biggest benefit of that perfect recall is the amount of times when we have a discussion and you're adamant that you've said something, and I'm adamant that you haven't said something, and it'd be great to finally prove that I am right with that.

Kara 27:26

Yeah, I think the more I think about it, I think perfect recall is better. I think the worry is say you could forget anything you wanted at will. So say, um, I don't know, you burnt yourself cooking and it was really painful, and then you sort of go, right, I'm gonna forget that ever happened. The next time it comes along, you're burning yourself again. Like you remember things that are painful or traumatic, and you learn from them. And without having, if you could just forget all the pain and the trauma, you would, and then you would just end up in a situation where you're just reliving the same pain and trauma over again because you're not actually having the learning experiences that come with that.

Sam 28:06

Yeah, no doubt.

Darren 28:06

So you came in this with uh you'd choose to forget, and now you're going with perfect recon.

Kara 28:10

Yeah, because I've actually thought about it.

Sam 28:12

It's also literally a Black Mirror episode where a criminal is punished by um basically reliving their crime, and then while everyone is around them watching them, basically, it's like a theme park, and then they get to the end of their crime, they wipe their memories, they wake up again and redo the crime again. They just relive the same day over and over again as a punishment.

Darren 28:33

Yeah, actually, the more you think about it, it's not a fun option, is it?

Kara 28:36

No, because you you would only choose to forget things that were bad.

Sam 28:41

Well, no, or like I said, the favourite book series. But also, I'm imagining I finished a book series, I'm like, oh, that was amazing. I'm ready to read that again. I wipe it from my memory and I sort of look down and was like, oh, I don't recognise this book. I'll get I'll just put it on the shelf, maybe I'll get to it at some point, and I never read my favourite book series again.

Kara 28:58

Plus, I get that whole first experience thing, but also there's something nostalgic about going back to books.

Sam 29:04

Certainly.

Kara 29:05

So yeah, I think, yeah, I definitely think perfect recall would be better. As much as I wouldn't actually want that, it would be better than being able to forget.

Darren 29:14

I'm really grate glad me and Sam managed to convince you that you were originally wrong.

Kara 29:17

I don't believe any of your arguments came into the reason why I decided to change my mind.

Darren 29:22

Listen, you you came into this very clear, you wanted to forget, and you know, me and Sam presented a fantastic case.

Sam 29:29

Um very well constructed to convince you otherwise. I feel like right now you're constructing the case why Cara wanted things to be forgotten in the first place. Like just those few sentences. Just those few sentences, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is just sort of like she wants to stay in this marriage and needs to forget.

Kara 29:48

I'm not saying like I said, I didn't think perfect recall would be something that I actually wanted, but out of the two options, I think. I mean, I suppose the other thing is you could forget at will and just choose never to forget anything. Yeah, why don't we?

Darren 30:00

And then just carry on living as normal. Hang on, I'm changing my.

Sam 30:04

Yeah, yeah. So you're changing for getting where I think I could make a lot of use out on the room. Yeah, I think you can I think I mean, also, I would never forget that random rule on a board game again.

Darren 30:14

We've always known that you don't forget the random rule, you intentionally leave it out until it suits you to tell us.

Sam 30:20

This is absolute slander. This is besmirchment, this is defamation of character. Not when it's true. How dare you, sir?

Darren 30:30

I have plenty of witnesses to argue that this is 100% factually correct and would stand in a court of law.

Sam 30:39

Because, okay, this is like a different follow-up thought, right? How different is the world that we live in if we woke up tomorrow and everyone had one of those? So, like, either everyone has perfect recall or everyone has the ability to selectively forget whatever they want. Like, what changes within the first year? Like, I'm imagining therapists go down if everyone's like forgetting things, but then like A and E is like wrapped up with people keep making the same mistakes.

Kara 31:07

But if you've got perfect memory recall, you might need therapy a little bit more.

Sam 31:12

Oh, yes, the therapy goes up in the world where you've got perfect recall.

Darren 31:16

I think we'd find that everyone got smarter.

Kara 31:18

Yes, if everyone had perfect recall, you'd get smarter. Yeah.

Darren 31:22

I think it'd be I think you definitely get a an us and them with the people who've got perfect recall and the people who can choose to forget.

Sam 31:28

Oh no, so I'm imagining it's a world, so you've got world A, everyone has perfect memory, or world B, everyone can choose to forget.

Darren 31:36

I'd prefer to live in everyone can choose to forget. Okay.

Kara 31:39

I think I would as well. I think perfect memory would everybody be so snooty trying to out-read and outpace other people to be the cleverest because you remember everything you see.

Sam 31:50

And isn't that the beauty of perfect recall though? Is that you functionally can't have a situation where people are correcting other people because like the corrections mostly come from people forgetting things, right? Someone says, Ah, yes, the monster Frankenstein, and someone else goes, Um, actually, I think you mean Frankenstein's monster. The first person never forgets that it's Frankenstein's monster. So like you're just not correcting people in the same way.

Kara 32:14

I don't think it's about correcting people. I think it's about like when you're having a conversation with people, it's fun for people to give different ideas or different viewpoints or to like integrate a fact into it or something. And if you're in a perfect recall situation, going up to somebody saying, Oh, have you heard this fact?

Darren 32:34

Yeah, certainly if you only read the headliner and not the actual article, and then your whole perfect recall is just garbage, it's just full of fake news, you know, attention grabbing headlines, and yeah, actually you don't know any substance behind it.

Kara 32:47

I suppose that is the thing as well. Like, just because you've got perfect recall doesn't mean that you're um critically appraising everything that you're actually reading.

Sam 32:55

That's a good point. So, because I'm picturing, so in the world B where anyone can forget anything, I'm imagining some sort of dystopian nightmare where they like governments get whole concentration camps and they force people to choose to forget all the terrible things that the government has done to them so that then they carry on as like happy citizens. How did we get to that? That's a real risk. Like, if anyone can choose to forget things, governments have like an active interest in ensuring that their citizens are forced to forget any atrocity that they do. You know, like, oh, you couldn't feed your kid and they passed away. Well, that's gonna make you an unproductive worker, so you have to forget that. Who hurt you? This is just that's the immediate use in every in a world where everyone has that ability. That is how it's used.

Kara 33:44

This feels like a George Orwell novel right here.

Sam 33:46

Oh my god, yes. I'm writing this George Orwell novel. Listener, this is my idea. You're not allowed to take it. Um, something something copyright, something something.

Darren 33:55

We'll just edit in the something somethings.

Sam 33:57

Yeah, yeah. Something something, finders, keepers. No, no, no, no, no. I was here first. And also ignore the Black Mirror episode that did a similar thing.

Darren 34:08

That's where you get all your ideas from.

Sam 34:10

Yeah, no, like you think this is original? Nah, just no one watched Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror, please.

Darren 34:16

Yeah, I I do find it very strange that's where you take that everyone can choose to forget something, you take it really into government corporate overlords, everyone effectively becomes a slave to the government and to being a worker and to the rememberers.

Sam 34:32

Oh my god, you've even given it. You've got the rememberers and you've got the forgetters. No, not the forgetters. And so you've got the forgetters, but then you've also got the true underclass, the empty headers, who are forced to forget every single day so that they don't know how terrible their life is. Every day they go in to like the worst conditions, and they're told like this is your first day, but you only have to do one day. You get through today and it's fine. Get to the end of the day, they're forced to forget.

Kara 34:57

And you're gonna have a Winston that comes along and basically just refuses to forget anything.

Darren 35:03

Just so you know, that's not my future that I'm in. That like your future there, you can have that future, that's fine. But that's not my future in my scenario where I choose to forget things if I want to. Like my world of that is very similar to what my world is now, but I haven't seen Red Dwarf 20 times, I've seen it once.

Kara 35:24

I feel like your world is the immediate future, and Sam's world is about a hundred years into the time period of and thank God that I'd be dead by then.

Sam 35:37

Hunter years is optimistic. It would if you were the leader. Yeah, no, it's gonna be like 10 years, maybe 20. I don't plan on living that long either.

Darren 35:46

And on that note, I think that's a good place to end. That's been it for this episode. I've been Darren, and I've been joined today by my co-host Sam and Kara. And we've been No Good Options. If you've enjoyed this episode, then make sure to rate us on your podcast platform of choice and share it around. If you want to see your scenarios on future episodes or just want to get in touch, then you can reach us at nogoodoptionspodcast@ gmail.com. Thanks for listening. Until next time. Bye.

Band 36:18

We made it a weird like you knew we would. No good options.