Ep.6: Dessert, Dinky Legs and Buzzzz sized Dragon

In this episode of No Good Options, Darren, Sam and Pete debate whether breakfast or dessert is the superior meal to eat in bed, try to work out whether impossibly long fingers would be worse than impossibly short legs, and decide if they'd rather own a dragon the size of a border collie or one large enough to fly across the country.

Along the way, they discuss imaginary girlfriends, dragon tourism, heating your house with dragon fire, exploiting magical creatures for profit, and whether owning a dragon would make you a millionaire or just the world's most expensive pet owner. As always, the questions start off simple before quickly spiralling into increasingly ridiculous territory.

Look out for new episodes every 2 weeks and if you enjoy this episode, we'd really appreciate a good rating on your podcast platform of choice and a share with anyone who enjoys questionable debates and impossible decisions. If you want to find out more or you have a scenario you'd like us to discuss in a future episode then head over to www.nogoodoptions.co.uk

Disclaimer: The views, opinions, arguments, and questionable decisions discussed in this episode are part of a light-hearted comedy conversation based on hypothetical scenarios. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as professional advice, factual guidance, or a serious life plan. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

Darren 0:29

Hello and welcome to No Good Options, the podcast where we talk about the what if, if you could, and the would you rather questions that are just begging to be asked. Each episode we bring a different scenario to ask each other, ranging from the absurd to the surprisingly thought-provoking. I'm your host, Darren, and with me today is my co-host, Sam. And our guest Pete. So let's kick things off with you, Pete. What have you got for us?

Pete 0:50

Okay. So a little bit lighthearted. So would you rather have breakfast in bed or dessert in bed?

Darren 0:56

I do both on a daily basis at the same time.

Sam 0:59

Ooh, what's your breakfast dessert?

Darren 1:00

I know you're gonna make me think of one.

Sam 1:02

You just say you did it every day as a regular thing. What kind of fake news are you peddling here? I was actually trying to figure out what kind of breakfast dessert exists.

Darren 1:12

Pop-tart. Pop-tart's definitely a breakfast dessert.

Pete 1:15

So any kind of like pastry, right?

Darren 1:16

So because it's in bed, how crumbly do you want to get?

Pete 1:20

With you always.

Sam 1:22

This is also where I was going to go with it. In terms of desserts are typically less crumbly and less messy.

Darren 1:29

Unless it's an apple crumble. Unless it's an apple crumble. By name, it's crumbly.

Pete 1:33

Should be. I've had disappointingly soggy crumbles.

Darren 1:36

That's called an apple pie.

Sam 1:37

Because most it was not an apple pie. Most of my head is going to ice cream and jelly and sundays. Oh wow.

Darren 1:45

Am I wearing clothes or and enjoying this?

Pete 1:48

It's up to you. It's your personal choice. You could be, how do you sleep?

Darren 1:51

Naked.

Pete 1:52

So you're you're in bed. Car has brought you breakfast. Full English or sort of like, you know, maybe some croissants or stuff. Or then she's, you know, you've you've had a bit of an evening, you could then and she then you've got a lovely uh dessert, but you've you just decided to have it in bed because you've left it a bit late after your evening meal and you've you've gone to bed because you're tired. She brings you a nice bowl of whatever.

Sam 2:11

Oh, so this is part of the question of like if I pick dessert, it's the end of the day. If I pick breakfast, it's the start of the day.

Pete 2:16

I I'm thinking desserts after like meals and stuff like that. So I reckon, yeah, I reckon your breakfast it is breakfast time. And dessert would be sort of like after you've had your evening meal.

Sam 2:26

I think I am picking breakfast in bed. I'm already sleepy, I've like just woken up, get a nice, nice breakfast down me. Rather, when I'm just about to go to bed, I feel like downing two pints of ice cream and then trying to go to sleep is not going to have a great time.

Darren 2:41

So the problem with what you've just said, Sam, is you do live alone. So that means to have breakfast in bed, you've got to get out of bed, go down to the kitchen to grab a huel. It's just a quick, that is the saddest breakfast. And then take that Huel back to bed.

Pete 2:53

You don't have fuel anymore, Huel anymore, though.

Sam 2:55

You've got a new one. I am doing why food right now, just to expand our sponsorship options because if Huel never got back to us, maybe why food will.

Darren 3:02

So let me I'll I'll um I'll just reposition the scenario just for you so you feel comfortable with it. You get out of bed alone because you live alone. Really just drive that point in there.

Sam 3:12

Really? In case that's hungry.

Darren 3:15

You go down to the kitchen, into the fridge, get your why not. Is it called why not? It's called Wai Food. Why food? You get your waifu because that's not how we get sponsorships. Well, Pete told me, and I instantly forgot what it was. So anyway, you're still living alone. You go to the fridge and get your wai food, and you take that wai food up into your bed, your lonely cold bed because you're on your own.

Sam 3:33

And then you drink it and then I've forgotten again, so thanks for the reminder.

Darren 3:37

And then you drink it in bed and then get up.

Sam 3:40

I'm assuming we get up for the so what I was picturing, you can get uh alarm clocks that have inbuilt fryers in them. So the idea is you lay out your bacon the night before, and then it starts heating up and wakes you up with the smell of bacon and wakes you up with like a pot of coffee if coffee is your go-to. So I could go for that, or I could go for the mini fridge and air fryer on either side of my bed. I mean full breakfast.

Darren 4:02

If you did that, have you got any reason to get up ever?

Sam 4:05

There is nothing left. I mean, I was thinking there is no reason to have the rest of the house. I can rent that out. I'll just stay in the bedroom.

Pete 4:13

What if all right, what if you're in a hotel then? So all it is is you embed, you've got the phone, you call up, and then you can have it.

Darren 4:19

Sam's still alone in this scenario, yeah? In the hotel room.

Pete 4:22

We don't know. He could have found a special friend for the So if I was in Sam's scenario.

Sam 4:29

That sounds like I'm paid for the special friend.

Pete 4:31

Yeah, I was deliberately trying to make it sound like it wasn't that, but made it absolutely more sound.

Darren 4:38

So if I was Sam in this scenario, I would have breakfast and dessert in bed, just so people in the restaurant didn't know I was alone.

Pete 4:44

You you've got to choose.

Sam 4:45

You've got to I strongly prefer breakfast food to any dessert. Like almost any breakfast food beats almost any dessert for me. So I am picking breakfast in bed purely based on that. You say purely or hurely.

Darren 5:02

Purely based on that. I think I'd go breakfast in bed.

Sam 5:07

I no, no would I. How often have I reviewed had breakfast in bed? Probably zero. Pete, has Lucy ever brought you breakfast in bed? A few times, but usually when I've been sick, so sort of ruins it a little bit.

Pete 5:19

Yeah, a little bit, yeah.

Darren 5:20

I normally get like a cup of tea in bed and maybe a galaxy ripple to dip into it. I wouldn't either if I call that breakfast.

Sam 5:25

I mean, also, just to put both of you on the spot as husbands, but how often have you brought your wives breakfast in bed?

Darren 5:32

Every other Sunday.

Sam 5:32

There's no way that's true. That's putting me to shame.

Pete 5:38

The appropriate amount.

Sam 5:39

The appropriate amount of amount. Whatever doesn't get you cancelled. That's listen, whatever you're thinking of is like a normal good amount. That amount. That's absolutely that.

Darren 5:48

The scary thing is that Sam's done it more than us and he lives alone. He just randomly takes breakfast upstairs, puts it then, it's like, for you, dear. No one's there. So dark.

Pete 5:59

Just because we can't see them.

Sam 6:03

Like, I've gotta know, and this is important. If I start telling you that I've got the invisible girlfriend who I'm bringing breakfast impaired, I'm really hoping you're having an intervention very early on. I'm just happy for you. Oh no, it's worse.

Pete 6:17

I think we'd go down the same line of questioning that you'd probably question us as sort of like, is it invisible just to everybody? Because you're like, I can't, yeah, she's there, but I can't see her kind of thing. Or is like I can see.

Sam 6:29

Can you ask her to lift this glass? Do I see the glass if she's lifting it right now? That's fair. These are the questions.

Darren 6:34

Sam, I don't need to be alarmed, but you do need to know your invisible girlfriend did touch me.

Sam 6:40

And I liked it. I am a big fan that I've got enough credibility that I tell you I've got an invisible girlfriend, and your first thought is to check rather than go, this man is insane. How far away is the police? Well, I don't think you're a danger to yourself, so I don't think the police need to be involved.

Darren 6:55

As long as you're just doing breakfast orders in bed for this imaginary person, I think we're good.

Sam 6:59

Oh, as soon as it turns into like, you know, Sunday lunch, then we've got a problem.

Darren 7:03

Yeah, all right, yeah.

Pete 7:04

Yeah, you don't want to be wasting Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes, mate.

Sam 7:06

That's that's almost criminal, that I'm coming in like you'll never guess you spilt the gravy all over the bed sheets again.

Pete 7:15

I'm this close to yeah, we're gonna have to break up with this close.

Darren 7:19

But no, I think um I was gonna go with breakfast, but I actually for breakfast I do like to go out and have if I'm having a full English, I'm not really a big fan of having one at home. I like to go out to a nice cafe and just have a full English or like brunch or something like that. Where dessert could be quite nice to, you know, you've been out for a nice meal and you're like, I'll have dessert, but I'll have it to go, please. And then you come back and have it in bed.

Pete 7:38

I I I think I like a bit of a mix. I've done I've I've done both, but I think I slightly prefer breakfast.

Darren 7:43

I can't imagine trying to eat a full English on my sitting in bed.

Pete 7:46

I'm assuming you've got one of those little trees. Whatever you want for breakfast, right? Just on a tray. But I think you could you could start, you know, if you've got nothing on, you've got nothing planned, just starting the day with just sort of waking up and then sort of like half an hour later, food magically arrives, and you're just eating it in bed. So chill starts the day.

Darren 8:01

Yeah, I could see I could see that working. So that's Pete's scenario. Next, let's head over to I'll tell you what, I'll do mine.

Sam 8:08

Yeah, let's do yours. Let's hear what you've got.

Darren 8:10

Would you rather, again, mine's on the more light-hearted kind of side of things, would you rather have fingers as long as your legs or legs as short as your fingers? Ooh, that is a tough way to live. Which way around is a tough way to live.

Sam 8:22

Both, both are very tough to live. I feel if your legs are only as long as your fingers, are they as strong as your normal legs or are they as strong as your fingers?

Darren 8:32

Oh no, they they they're as strong as what they represent in, uh as what they're replacing, sorry. But they just it's just purely length-based. Are my feet the same size? Your feet are the same size. So you've got this tiny little finger leg with a foot on the bottom.

Sam 8:46

Because I feel like if my legs are as long as my fingers, every time I take a step, my foot is hitting my body.

Darren 8:52

Yeah, and also your your arms would be dragging on the floor. Yeah. Because your arms are big in that scenario.

Sam 8:57

My arms will get really tired. With fingers as long as my legs, do I get more joints? Or is this like I still only have like three joints?

Darren 9:06

So you're not replacing a finger for a leg. Yep. It's just a length of it. So your fingers are still fingers, but they're as long as a leg. That's all it is.

Pete 9:15

So we still get the same amount of joints.

Darren 9:17

Same amount of joints. It is a finger, it's just purely longer.

Sam 9:20

Do they increase in strength? Because I feel like the average finger does not have enough strength in it in order to lift itself when it's as long as a leg. Like if I attached like a rod to the end of my finger that was as long as my leg, I think the force would make it very difficult to move my fingers.

Darren 9:36

Yeah, it it can function. The muscles obviously have grown with it at the same amount, so they're equally as strong. So you can see they'd operate the same as a finger was. But again, because it's because your fingers are so long, you could probably only grip the same as you would have with a normal shorthand.

Sam 9:52

For the listeners at home, each of us are looking at our hands, slowly flexing them, looking at how long they are.

Darren 9:57

If you had legs for if you had uh fingers as long as your legs, in theory, your fingers are as long as your arm. So you'd have an arm and then you'd have four fingers as long as a leg and then a little tiny thumb, because your thumb hasn't changed in this.

Sam 10:10

Oh no, that's so much worse. That ruins the whole point of having an opposable thumb. No, come on. Like, we need at least our thumb to also be as long.

Darren 10:18

Okay, your thumb can be as long as well.

Pete 10:20

Okay. I'm gonna go with legs this time, same size as my fingers. Really? That's so decisive. I just I don't think I'm gonna be dexterous enough to do stuff with with my hands if my fingers are as long as my legs. Yeah, I'd like to be able to pick everything up.

Sam 10:33

I do feel like you definitely, because the length between your joints is extended to such a great degree that you can no longer pick things up.

Darren 10:41

Well, you're not, yeah, you're not gonna use a pair of tweezers and pick up a fine grain of rice.

Sam 10:45

I feel like just average trying to hold a glass would become incredibly difficult.

Darren 10:49

Yeah, it would, it'd be it'd be hard.

Sam 10:51

Where if I had my legs be the size of my fingers, I feel like the main outcome there is I just become wheelchair bound for most like activities because you become so much slower. Your stride length is probably 20 millimeters. Tiny, isn't it? Like 50 tops. I'm definitely wheelchair bound. So my challenge. I'm still going for that, to be fair. This does not to boil down your question, but this does become would you rather lose the use of your hands or lose the use of your legs? And I'd simply rather lose the use of my legs. I can continue to type, I can continue to use a phone, I can continue to play board games.

Darren 11:32

But you couldn't continue to ring breakfast in bed for your invisible girlfriend.

Sam 11:37

That does become a lot harder.

Pete 11:38

There are stair lifts and other it's possible.

Sam 11:41

Yeah, I moved to a bungalow. My mattress is obviously on the floor rather than having like a raised bed. I would do simple quality of life improvements, of which there is already a tremendous industry for those who don't have the use of their legs. And I am and just to be clear, I am still significantly better off in this scenario because I can still make very, very short journeys with my legs being shortened rather than totally losing aspect. So it is still better than being wheelchair bound.

Pete 12:10

Okay, I I feel that it'd be easier to make breakfast in bed for his imaginary girlfriend with finger-sized legs than leg-sized fingers. Yes. Yeah, I just don't see uh do you imagine opening a can of beans? You simply couldn't. It's not gonna work, is it?

Darren 12:21

I mean, I wasn't thinking of it like that, but you you do talk some sense in all this. So at what length would be the minimum length for then you to still Oh, pick fingers.

Sam 12:30

Yeah. Honestly, if you're going three times as long, that might be my limit. And even that is borderline. Like twice as long, maybe I can live with twice as long.

Pete 12:40

I I honestly think it's gonna be when I'm picking things up. Yeah. It's gotta be it's gotta be the practical of like, how long is it gonna be until I'm not able to pick up a glass or a bottle or steer my car.

Sam 12:51

I'm thinking more along the lines of using a keyboard and using my phone. Yeah, which is a significant portion of both my hobbies and my job. But in theory, you could operate your keyboard from a further distance. Yeah, but then it becomes harder to hit the right key. My my proprioception is already awful. I do not feel like making it even worse is going to aid me in any way. I halve, if not worse, my typing speed.

Darren 13:16

I think we're both of them. The one thing we probably can all agree on, it'd be really difficult to either find well-fitting gloves or well-fitting trousers. Absolutely.

Pete 13:23

Shorts, I think, would be a right pain.

Darren 13:25

I mean, I wonder if you would even bother with trousers or just go straight for a skirt. I mean, yeah, as long as it's not a gusty day.

Pete 13:31

Shorts, right?

Sam 13:32

Yes, I suppose. Well, okay, because this adds the second question of the average short is still way too long. So are you wearing trousers if they go to your ankles, irrelevant of the length of what that thing is? So it is still trousers.

Pete 13:48

Well, even but then you could always come to length yourself because your fingers are normal size, yeah. Because they'd have to be short, short, short, short, shorts. So the question is aren't were you going a certain way and then we've changed your mind with our our reasoning. Yeah, what are you thinking?

Darren 14:02

I tend to hear what you've got to say and then steal an answer. That's that's normally my uh ammo, yeah.

Pete 14:07

So no, I think uh maybe you should answer first in the future and then we can steal yours.

Darren 14:12

That will never happen. Um I don't know. I I don't know with this one because I don't think either would be good. Kind of defeats the point if I just say neither. So I'm gonna have to go with one.

Pete 14:22

Yeah, no, it's neither or that is the entire point. Yeah, yeah. Would you rather no I'll skip this one?

Darren 14:31

I I think I'd probably go for legs the size of fingers. Yeah, I think it's the sensible of the two. Yeah, I agree. I think arm, I think if your fingers were a size of your legs, they'd just be two and wieldly with the arm length as well. It'd just be two and wieldly. I'd feel like I'm slender man. Yeah. Just yeah, it it'd be weird. But if you know, I was saying about how long would they how long would would okay be? Yep. I reckon three times I could I could live with. Three times my finger length. I think I'm sitting on two times. I mean, if I had three times my leg length, I'd be the size of a normal person. So that'd be really cool. So what about you, Sam? Which one are you going for?

Sam 15:08

Yeah, yeah, I'm going for legs the length of my fingers, and I'm just getting proper mobility.

Darren 15:14

Oh, you know what that means then, don't you, Sam? I do indeed.

Sam 15:17

Harmony.

Pete 15:19

I'll spare our listeners my my single voice. Oh, we can cut it if it's bad. Give us your best. Oh, no, no, it is bad. You do business.

Darren 15:27

Come on, give us your best harmony. You ready? Are you ready?

Sam 15:30

Okay.

Darren 15:30

Harmony. Say, we may be in sync, but the voices are terrible.

Sam 15:37

I can only apologize to the few listeners that still have working speakers.

Darren 15:42

We will get Sam's singing lessons one day. Please, we can make it a business expense. Sam's problem is his girlfriend said his singing was fantastic. As she's imaginary.

Pete 15:54

I feel like we are kind of like dumping on you a lot, this one.

Sam 15:58

I mean, I'm feeling a little targeted. I'm not gonna lie. This is getting a little hurtful.

Pete 16:02

Well, let's judge you on your your no your question then.

Sam 16:05

Yes. Yeah, over to you, Sam. Let's go forward. So, a little more fantastical. You have a dragon that magically bonds to you that you grow from a magical egg that comes. Would you rather have the dragon the size of a small dog or a dragon the size of a full-sized dragon? So we are talking the size of like a bus.

Darren 16:27

A double decker buzz or a single decker buzz?

Sam 16:29

Single decker bus. Well, this is the main body of it, is the size of a single decker bus. So the wings are spreading out, the tail is coming behind it, the legs are coming out.

Darren 16:37

So before I answer that question, is there such a thing as a single decker buzz, or is it just a buzz? I think it's a bus. It's a buzz.

Sam 16:44

Buzz?

Darren 16:44

Buzz. Buzz.

Pete 16:45

But not a buzz, is it? Buzz.

Sam 16:47

Buzz.

Darren 16:48

It's a buzz. There's a single buzz. This isn't the bit I was hung up on. It was a double decker versus single decker. Is it called is it called a single decker? I think it's just called a standard deck.

Pete 16:57

It's just called a bus. I think it is just called a standard. A buzz, yes. If it's a double decker, we've said it's a double decker rather than just single decker.

Sam 17:04

Of course, when I did order that double decker and a huge bus arrived, I was very disappointed I didn't get my chocolate.

Pete 17:09

That's a good chocolate bar. It's one of my favorites.

Darren 17:11

So the dragon get was the size of a single decker, which we've established as just a buzz or a double decker? Single decker. Just a buzzer. Just a buzz. Okay.

Sam 17:21

So dragon size of a buzz or like a smaller dog, so terrier. Bigger than a terrier. Border collie. Border collie, yeah. Okay. Size of a border collie, slightly smaller than a Labrador. Okay.

Darren 17:32

See, having one as big as a buzz means you could ride it.

Sam 17:36

Yes, 100%. You could ride it. Incredibly cool. Very high food costs.

Pete 17:42

See, my first thought went straight to the larger dragon. And then the adult in me started thinking you're going to have to feed and house and look after it. And that's going to be that's that's gonna be some work.

Darren 17:54

Imagine playing fetch with it.

Pete 17:56

Oh, I don't know, but I'm also thinking now now that I'm I'm I'm talking this out. You've got a dragon. Nobody else has got a dragon. Nope. You are the only one people are gonna pay to see your dragon. Yes. So you could cover the food costs surely by this is kind of what I was thinking.

Darren 18:10

We have a really fundamental problem. Sorry, we have a really fundamental problem. Every time we have a scenario, it always turns to how we're gonna make loads of money off it.

Sam 18:19

I've considered this too, and I have considered pre-facing it with you are already a multi-millionaire, and this happens to you.

Darren 18:27

Well, this is just life for me, Sam.

Sam 18:29

Youf you're both secret millionaires and didn't tell me, I would understand up until this point, and then I get a little sad that you didn't tell me. We'll tell them later. I'm like the poor friend that you sort of keep as a pet. Like we keep you around so we yeah, you're both there, like, oh yeah, work was like a little harder today, snickering to each other at the idea.

Darren 18:59

We keep you around so we don't lose touch with the common man.

Sam 19:02

Oh, if you're considering me the common man you are in a world of pain whenever you meet someone who's actually normal.

Darren 19:11

Yeah, but we're so rich, Sam, that we we don't understand what the common man is, so we just you know, we we found you talking to yourself in a random bedroom. In a random bedroom, and thought this is the man for us. Yeah, yeah.

Sam 19:26

I mean, this is like a follow-on because Pete, you run a store, own a store called Dragon Cavern. I do. Which dragon does better for the store?

Darren 19:35

Well, the big one, otherwise it'd just be dragon kennel.

Sam 19:38

Dragon Kennel.

Pete 19:41

I I I feel that practicality-wise, the small one, but I want a dragon the size of a bus.

Sam 19:47

Like, I want to be able to ride it to work.

Pete 19:49

I'm gonna ride that, yeah. It's gonna be an event, isn't it? Yeah.

Darren 19:53

So imagine you're going on holiday.

Pete 19:54

Yeah.

Darren 19:55

You need to find a dragon sitter.

Pete 19:56

I'll take it with me.

Darren 19:57

A dragon as big as a bus. Well, that's how I can go on the holiday.

Sam 20:01

You know how expensive flights can get? Like, I want to go to Malibu. I'm flying on my dragon.

Darren 20:06

With all your luggage, your family.

Sam 20:09

It's the size of a bus. Like, my family can fit on a bus easily.

Darren 20:13

Yeah, but you go inside a bus, you don't go inside of a dragon.

Sam 20:16

I all my family can sit on top of a bus and it'd still be okay.

Darren 20:20

Over and as you fly to Malibu. Yeah, okay.

Sam 20:22

And that's gonna be a really comfortable flight. I mean, it'd be a cheap flight. There's a certain cold flight.

Pete 20:27

It would be a cold flight. You can wrap up warm. Yeah, but the cold fact just could override that, right?

Darren 20:32

Hang on. So you want to wrap up warm? You're going to Malibu. You don't need those warm clothes when you get there, which means you're taking then even more luggage.

Sam 20:39

Yeah, which is fine. That's like I wear one set of warm clothes for the flight to Malibu, and then the rest is Malibu clothing.

Darren 20:45

Yeah. How long is it going to take this dragon to fly to Malibu?

Sam 20:48

I'm going to say that the dragon can fly as fast as the average like 747 Boeing.

Darren 20:53

I feel like you're just trying to make it work for yourself.

Sam 20:56

It is pretty fast. I'm going to say that as you can speak, but you know, it's pretty massive, dragons in fiction, typically very quick. But no, I mean, yeah, I I'd I'd I'd want the fuller size dragon.

Darren 21:04

I think I'd go for the little dragon.

Sam 21:06

Yeah, that's fair. Have it just running, scampering around the house.

Darren 21:09

It'd be cool, wouldn't it? A big dragon staying outside at night.

Sam 21:12

Yeah. True.

Darren 21:13

It's gonna look at you through the window.

Sam 21:15

Oh, yeah, real sad. Real sad. Why can't I come inside?

Pete 21:17

Poppy dragon dragon eyes. Hopefully, you're able to sort of include its house in in your house and sort of like, you know, have a a hall where it can fit inside.

Sam 21:27

I feel like part of the problem is the dragon's natural hoarding instincts could get very problematic for the large dragon. It needs a very large hoard.

Pete 21:35

Well, this is the point. Okay, so what kind of dragon is it? And does it have a heart? You know, is it fire breathing? Is it an ice breathing?

Sam 21:41

What would you pick? Standard dungeons and dragons, dragon types, you know, fire, ice, poison, acid.

Pete 21:49

I'd rather go with fire.

Sam 21:50

I might go cold. It's less likely to set fire to my house. Like the amount of damage it can do with cold breath is much more localized.

Darren 21:58

I think I go for cold as well. Because then instead of having a drawer in my freezer just dedicated to ice, I could just use a dragon for it and I could put more desserts in my freezer.

Sam 22:06

I mean, what we're also not considering is how much you would save on heating costs during the winter for the dragon that can breathe fire. Compared to the, you know, six seconds every year that you need air conditioning in the British summer.

Darren 22:19

Uh yeah, but if if if you're relying on your giant dragon to heat your tiny home, your tiny home, Sam, because we've established women's.

Sam 22:28

Absolute mansions.

Darren 22:29

Your tiny single.

Sam 22:31

We are sitting recording this in Darren's Island bunker.

Pete 22:35

Yeah.

Darren 22:36

Yeah. It's not the first bunker, it's the second bunker.

Sam 22:38

Yeah, no, obviously, guests aren't allowed in the primary bunker.

Darren 22:41

Absolutely. So yeah, but you're in, so you're in the small house, you've got this giant dragon, and you need it to keep you warm. The house is burning down.

Sam 22:49

So you're imagining just blowing through the windows. Where I'm picturing, because it's a pretty big dragon, my house is not very big. I'm probably making a deal with a few neighbours where there's a very centralized furnace for the dragon to heat up that runs all of our hot water through this centralized furnace.

Darren 23:05

So you have a big dragon and instantly you you you use it as a slave.

Sam 23:09

It's like playing fetch with a dog. You know, it enjoys doing it, it needs to go for a run. The dragons need to breathe the fire, they need to let it out. It's bad for them to keep it in.

Darren 23:19

As long as they're making sure your furnace is nice and warm. Do you want to tell you why it's not the same as playing fetch with a dog, Sam? As someone who's got a dog, I get zero enjoyment out of playing fetch. Aww.

Sam 23:30

That's so sad. You don't enjoy playing with your dog.

Darren 23:33

No, it's purely for the dog. It's purely for the dog. I I get joy from the fact that the dog's enjoying it. Yeah, but I get zero enjoyment from actually throwing the ball constantly. So in your situation where you've enslaved this dragon, them doing a furnace, warming a furnace up is for you. It's not for the dragon. It also helps the dragon. Equally, allowing the dragon to just go into a random field and let all its fire off. Where you wouldn't benefit, it'd equally be as good. But no, you want to put that dragon to work.

Sam 24:03

Well, no, it wouldn't be equally as good. It'd be equally as good for the dragon. Exactly. But why does it matter if I also benefit? Dragon wants what's best for me.

Darren 24:12

I think you want what's best for you.

Sam 24:13

I do want what's best for me.

Darren 24:15

And it's just because you're on your own and you're you're trying to. Not anymore.

Sam 24:19

I have my dragon. Also, what are you calling your dragon? Is Smog two on the nose?

Darren 24:23

Yes.

Pete 24:24

Yeah.

Darren 24:24

So I'm calling mine Rover.

Sam 24:26

Rover. Rover.

Pete 24:27

That's okay, wow.

Sam 24:29

Oh, see, it's gotta be. Actually, no, I did pick Ice Dragon, didn't I? Smog would be kind of ruined. Frosty. Frosty the dragon.

Darren 24:38

Can we go one episode without you singing? No.

Pete 24:40

Cool.

Sam 24:41

I'm glad we'd gladly. It's important to set boundaries, and that's mine. Okay. Remember, listeners, if you listen to an episode without me singing, Darren cruelly cut it out. Ask for the hidden files. Put it in the comments.

Darren 24:57

Yeah, I'm saving them for when we launch his album.

Pete 25:00

It's coming. You can't just throw that onto I've got no idea. It took me two weeks to sort of like finalise the name for my children after they were born.

Sam 25:07

Oh, oh no, after they were born. Because I was about to say two weeks to pick a child's name, that's a very reasonable two weeks afterwards. Because you've already had nine months. Yeah, yeah.

Pete 25:18

We nailed it down to a list. And then each time was like, no, and and chose something else.

Darren 25:25

So here's a question for you, Pete.

Pete 25:27

Go on.

Darren 25:28

Who'd you love more? Your children or your new dragon friend?

Pete 25:30

Oh my children.

Darren 25:31

But your children aren't fine you to Mauritius. Mauritius.

Pete 25:34

No. I would love my dragon friend. Children of the way.

Darren 25:38

No, I'm definitely for the dragon.

Sam 25:42

Your son will listen to this probably at some point. Yep. Godson, wish you were a dragon. Talk about unrealistic expectations from a parent. It's you know, a lot of them get, oh God, I wish you were a doctor, or like even worse, God, I wish you were a boy. But the worst one is I wish you were a dragon.

Pete 25:59

Yeah, a fire breathing dragon this size of a border cool.

Darren 26:02

No, an ice breathing dragon. Sorry, sorry. Because I want to save that freezer space. It's important.

Sam 26:08

Wait, having my dragon heat my home is amoral, but having your dragon cool your freezer isn't?

Darren 26:14

No, it's not cool in the freezer. It's if I want some ice every now and then.

Sam 26:17

That feels the same.

Pete 26:18

No. Definitely not. Does kind of feel the same.

Sam 26:23

Because I'm only using my dragon in winter. You're using your dragon year round.

Pete 26:27

You're both exploiting your pets. I feel like I should take them off you. Make a dragon refuge.

Sam 26:32

The RSPCD.

Pete 26:36

Absolutely. On my own private island. We'll just have like dragons flying around. Yeah.

Darren 26:41

It's good to know you wouldn't exploit your dragon, Pete.

Pete 26:43

I'll just I'll just fly it around.

Darren 26:45

But no, I do want my son to be a dragon. Quite happy if he came home from school one day and said, I now identify as a dragon. I'd be quite happy with that.

Sam 26:51

It's pretty understanding.

Darren 26:52

I'd sew him some wings on.

Sam 26:54

Jesus, on to him. Yep.

Darren 26:55

If you want to be a dragon, he can go all in.

Pete 26:57

Different horror story. I'm all for I'm all for like the costume and stuff. Yeah.

Darren 27:01

No, as long as he's happy, we'll make it a reality. That's fair.

Sam 27:04

Gotta be understanding.

Darren 27:06

So yeah, for avoidance of doubt, I am 100% dragon the size of a border collie, freeze ice, name rover, and I'm happy with that.

Sam 27:16

Yeah, I'm going absolutely full-sized, ice breathing dragon, and I am absolutely profiting off it.

Darren 27:23

But you're Paul and like me and Peter Millionaires, so that makes sense.

Pete 27:28

Yeah, full-size dragon, size of a buzz. And a what? A double decker buzz or a single buzz? I was just going with a single buzz. Correct, a buzz. And preferably it's coloured red.

Sam 27:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pete 27:43

On brand for Dragon Cavern shop.

Sam 27:45

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Check it out today.

Darren 27:48

Shameful plug. But you still haven't given us a name, Pete.

Pete 27:53

Until next episode of Mark.

Darren 27:54

No, no, no. We need a name.

Pete 27:56

We need a name, yeah.

Darren 27:57

You're not leaving until we get a name. You haven't oh you have gives us a name, Snow.

Sam 28:00

Yeah, I went with Softy. No, no, I'm going with Snowflake. Oh. Because I'm like, oh yeah, like my pet's called Snowflake, and then it's just as they run. Just like, no, no, she's a softy, it's fine. It's just like genuinely, that's what it's like having my dog.

Darren 28:20

The Amazon driver comes, I'm like, yeah, don't worry, she's soft as anything next minute. So yeah, on the spot, Pete. Name three, two, one, go. Tarquin. Ooh. Nice. Yeah.

Sam 28:31

Father of the death star.

Pete 28:33

No, not Tarkin. Tarquin. Oh.

Darren 28:36

See, this is what we just established. You could have named your quick kids a lot quicker than two weeks after with the ball. If someone just went, name your kids three, two, one, go. One would hope that you're going to be able to do that.

Sam 28:45

There were two of us that had to make that choice. Also, I feel like the birth is a bit of a three, two, one go now. Although it's more of a three, two, one go. Okay, nope. Keep going. Okay, yeah, no, okay. That's gonna how long is this gonna take?

Darren 28:57

Final big three, two, one. Nope, not quite.

Pete 29:02

Talk me the fire-breathing dragon. Perfect.

Darren 29:04

Neither of you are housing these big dragons, just making that very clear.

Sam 29:07

Well, yeah, no, obviously, I'm getting like a tremendous number of grants because I have the world's only buzz-sized dragon. Like, the fact that I'm not a millionaire by the end of it is insane.

Darren 29:17

You're getting grants for this. I mean, I remember last time I looked at the government grant website and I was like, oh, big dragon, big dragon grant.

Pete 29:24

Because like the wood there's no dragons. As soon as there becomes a dragon, there will be a grant for it.

Sam 29:30

Can you imagine for it? The tourism coming in from the dragon. Like the British government, like literally, St. George is famous partly for the dragon. The Welsh dragon, Wales would pay so much to have a real dragon housed in Wales as part of their tourism push. The British government will not give up on the chance of having a dragon native to the UK.

Darren 29:53

Say, this dragon's come. Absolutely loves you. You said right at the very beginning that it's bonded to you, and all you've both done is exploited this poor dragon into bringing tourism in so you can get more money.

Pete 30:05

I've spend it on just enough so that I can I can feed it and house it. No, I'm shutting this down now.

Darren 30:12

You're both monsters. I'm here with my little border coli sized size dragon.

Pete 30:17

That's forced to make you ice cubes every day.

Darren 30:19

No, only when I need an ice cube. I'm certainly not bringing Taurus in there. It's just a dog with wings, you know. I'm just, you know, I'm just enjoying it.

Pete 30:27

So much more that there's a dragon, it's not a dog with wings.

Sam 30:30

That is dismissive of its dragon heritage. Well Dragon Gate, I think we need to rescue it. Yeah. Oh god, can you imagine how much money you would make from having it and the set of like Game of Thrones spends millions on CGI and dragons and you just get an actual dragon? Yeah.

Darren 30:46

See, you're both just about making money. I'm on about loving this other. I want to crit up.

Sam 30:50

Yeah, I want to make them a star.

Darren 30:53

You would this is you should never have kids. If you have kids, they'll be like pageant kids. Yeah, I mean they'll come out and it'll be like, no, I want to make you a star, and all you'll do is like travel America taking them into beauty pageants.

Sam 31:04

I do wholly agree with you because I do see one of the main users for kids is to look after you when you're old. It's just an investment. And you've got to be nice to them so they're nice to you.

Pete 31:15

That's why you have two, right? You've got one that's like, yeah, you've got organ donor and everything.

Sam 31:25

There's a whole movie about this.

Pete 31:29

I really don't believe in that.

Sam 31:31

My dragon's keeper.

Darren 31:35

This feels like a really good spot to stop. Yep. Because I think we're finding things out about Pete that I probably don't want to know, to be honest.

Pete 31:43

I'm not gonna nothing's gonna happen to him, they're fine.

Darren 31:45

For now, because you don't need an organ.

Pete 31:47

Yeah, that's nicely.

Darren 31:51

Well, that's it for this episode. I've been Darren and I've been joined today by Sam and Pete. And we've been No Good Options. If you've enjoyed this episode, then make sure to rate us on your podcast platform of choice and share it around. If you want to see your scenarios on a future episode or just want to get in touch, then you can reach us at nogoodoptionspodcast@ gmail.com. Thanks for listening. Until next time. Bye. Bye.

Band 32:14

What if if you could? Oh we made it weird like you knew we would. Oh, what was your answer? Quick No Good Options.